Florida’s “Reverse Woke Act” Has A Loophole I Intend To Exploit

Ron DeSantis is at it again.

You may have heard ol’ Ronald DickDonald. He’s all over the news lately as one of the most vocally anti-trans politicians in American history. He’s literally obsessed with us, and it’s getting embarrassing. Most recently he and his legislators are attempting to pass the “Reverse Woke Act,” an unfortunately named bill with an equally unfortunate purpose: to eliminate trans-related health care. But this one is coming at it from a new angle, an angle ripe for exploitation.

The “Reverse Woke Act” would make it so that any employer who provides trans-related healthcare to employees must also cover the costs of that employee’s detransition, whether that employee still works for the company or not. It sounds like more bullshit, and it is. It’s a thinly veiled attempt to scare employers away from providing trans-related care to their employees. The DeSantis administration hopes that by making employers financeable liable for a person’s detransition, they will dissuade them from providing gender-affirming care in the first place. Like all fears about the trans community, this one too is unfounded. For one thing, most trans people (especially trans Floridians) don’t have access to trans-related care in the first place. Secondly, most trans people do not choose to detransition. Why? BECAUSE THEY’RE TRANS.

But for this loophole to work, I myself am going to “detransition” in order to get the care I need.

Here’s The Plan…

I am gonna buy a one-way ticket down to Florida and knock on Ron DeSantis’ door. I’m gonna say “Oh Mr. DeSantis, you have to help me! I’m a trans man and I’ve made a horrible mistake! You were right all along! Trans people are an affront against whatever god you pray to! I need to detransition right now!” DeSantis, seeing an opportunity to use me as a political tool to rally his base and further his agenda, will no doubt oblige. “Oh certainly! Whatever you need” he’ll say while rubbing his weird little rat hands together. And I’ll say “I want to become a woman again… but I’m gonna need a lot of estrogen to do it”.

And so begins the scam of the century.

I will make Ron DeSantis personally finance my “detransition,” which in reality will be my transition. These guys have already made it clear they don’t understand anything about gender identity or any of these things they’re trying to legislate, I don’t think it’ll be too hard to pull one over on him.

He’s gonna drive me to all my “detransitioning” doctor’s appointments himself. He’ll pay for all my medication. And then after that, he’ll take me dress shopping. He’ll take me to the salon. He’ll pay for my manicures. He’ll buy me perfume, flowers, and all the things a “respectable lady” needs. And eventually, when I’m transitioned, he will look me tearfully in the eye and say “you’re like the daughter I’ve never had.” Can you imagine the gender euphoria I’ll feel when even the most vehemently anti-trans person in the United States calls me a woman? If that isn’t trans liberation then I don’t know what is.

(featured image: Octavio Jones/Getty Images)