Pro-Deliciousness Parents Banned From Naming Their Kid Nutella in France

Somewhere, there is a child named pretzel who will never find their soul mate.
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“Nutella, by any other name… No, seriously. Could we please name this kid literally anything else?” -France, probably.

A French judge ruled that a baby girl named “Nutella” would require a new name more suitable for a human being and less suitable for a delicious snack food. While I can think of several circumstances under which someone might name a child after snack food, they all start with mind-altering illegal substances, and they generally end with a kid named “Dorito.”

The judge didn’t think the parents were in their right minds either, as Time reported the judge in Valenciennes said:

The name ‘Nutella’ given to the child is the trade name of a spread. And it is contrary to the child’s interest to be wearing a name like that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts.

The name can only lead to teasing? A: Children are malicious forces of nature that can make derogatory puns out of any name. B: Where was this judge when I inherited the name “Van Winkle,” hmmm?

When the parents didn’t make a scheduled court appearance, the court took matters into its own hands and shortened the baby’s name to Ella in what sounds like a really weird YA novel backstory. Someday, Nutella will grow up to know her hidden destiny as queen of the snack foods.

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(via Jezebel, image via Jack Zalium)

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Dan Van Winkle
Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.