The Night’s King 2: Electric Boogaloo
“Glowing like sunset, a red sword was raised in the hand of a blue-eyed king who cast no shadow.” – Daenerys’ vision in the House of the Undying, A Clash of Kings
I’m going to assume here that y’all know the Night’s King’s story, but if you need a refresher head here. We all know that Melisandre is convinced Stannis is Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised. With Melisandre’s help R’hollor is all up in Stannis’ court, but that might not be the case for long. The power of fire seems to fit Stannis’ cause perfectly, but it doesn’t fit Stannis as a king at all. He’s always been compared to cold iron, more likely to break instead of bend. Warmth is not a word anyone would use to describe him. Why is the hero of R’hollor’s holy fires so cold?
With a kingdom of traitors who refuse to yield to his rightful claim, it’s kind of that understandable Stannis would be bitter. He’s borrowed gold in order to buy sellswords, but finding any in the east may be hard considering so many have been snapped up by Daenerys. So what forces are left to fight for Stannis? This Night’s King theory suggests that Stannis will switch sides from fire to ice. He’ll break away from R’hollor’s fire and proclaim himself Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch in addition to King. Then he’ll take command of the Others, becoming the Night’s King reborn.
Cleganebowl
This is probably one of the most popular tinfoil theories on r/asoiaf. It’s so popular, in fact, that it has its own Know Your Meme page (currently being evaluated). For Cleganebowl to make any sense, first you have to buy into two other theories: First, Ser Robert Strong is Gregor Clegane’s corpse reanimated by Half-Maester Qyburn (yeah…). Second, Sandor Clegane is alive and found Jesus the Seven.
The Cleganebowl Theory poses that Cersei’s trial by combat will be fought with the two brothers facing off against each other, with Ser Robert Strong/Dead Gregor representing Cersei and Sandor Clegane fighting for the Faith. Should Sandor win this hypothetical fight, Cersei would be killed for her crimes. For extra tinfoily crunch: Sandor is the younger Clegane brother, meaning if he won he could be the “valonqar,” or little brother, prophesied to kill Cersei. Hey, no one ever said it had to be one of her brothers. *cue Twilight Zone theme*
Mance Rayder is the Most Secret Targaryen Ever
Tormund says his cock is a secret Targaryen, too! HAR!
Ah, good old Mance. A sweet voice, easy on the eyes, killer with a harp, looks awesome in black and red. Oh wait, doesn’t that sound familiar? Rhaegar loved music, and wore black and red, and had a sweet voice too. If Rhaegar was alive, I bet they’d totally be bros. Unless… BY THE SEVEN, MANCE IS RHAEGAR!
…Yeah, really. This theory has been irritating and delighting fans across the board. Evidence for it includes: Mance’s habit of singing “The Dornishman’s Wife,” the way he’s far more educated than most Wildlings, and the fact that when Rhaegar died his armor was covered in rubies, which are often used in glamour spells. Understandably, Mance being Rhaegar is a reach for many fans, but somehow the theory just keeps on going. If you want more secret Targaryen fun, check out this one where Meera Reed is Jon Snow’s twin sister.
The Bolt On Face Off
Why are the Boltons so obsessed with skinning people? It’s a rather gruesome tradition the family keeps, and one they’re very well known for. But why? The threat of being skinned alive is a great way to control people, sure, but why keep the skins?
The Bolt On Theory suggests that Roose Bolton is an immortal being, not really a vampire per se, but a skin changer. Instead of warging into animals, the Boltons use blood magic, much like the Faceless Men, to assume the identity of the people they’ve skinned. It goes on to say that the reason Roose tolerates Ramasay is because Roose needs his bastard’s skin. Assuming his heir’s skin and identity allows Roose to continue being Lord Bolton.
That’s it for the tinfoil fan theories! Grab a drunk Cersei gif on your way out:
Humans are storytelling animals. We always have been. Whether it’s shared around a fire on a starry night or read between pages at home, we all love a good story. No matter how outlandish or unlikely the premise, if you can give your fellow humans a good yarn you can capture their imaginations like nothing else. That’s the magic of storytelling, and that’s why theories like these are created. It’s not because we have something to prove (okay, maybe sometimes), but rather to entertain ourselves and others with familiar characters in familiar worlds. In the end, theories like these are all about having fun. What do you think of the ones I’ve presented? Do you have a favorite one, or maybe one that wasn’t mentioned? Is there a tinfoil theory that you buy into (Editorial note from Rebecca: JOJEN IS PASTE). Tell us in the comments!
By day, Carrie is the co-creator, artist, and production coordinator for the webcomic Kamikaze. By night she’s a writer, budding comic nerd, and passionate feminist. Feel free to follow her on Twitter.
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Published: Sep 23, 2014 10:53 am