Game of Thrones Recap: “High Sparrow”

In which “uncomfortable” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

[Editor’s Note: As with all our recaps, this one will be filled with spoilers through the current episode. Proceed at your own risk. We ask fans to please keep book spoilers out of this episode recap comment thread entirely. We’ve got another post up right here where folks who’ve read A Song of Ice and Fire can openly discuss the differences between the show and their implications. And don’t forget to check out last week’s recap!]

Last week I said I was looking forward to seeing some action and well, we did, just not the kind I was hoping for.

We pick up with Arya in the House of Black and White where she’s sweeping the floors and watching a man taking water from Jaqen (who later lies dead on the floor). Once he’s alone, she confronts Jaqen, annoyed that she’s been doing nothing for days when she was hoping to apprentice to become a Faceless Man. All men must serve, he reminds her, as she takes notes off all the godly statues standing in the place. There is only one god, says Jaqen, harkening back to what Syrio Florel told her back in Season 1: “There is only one god and his name is Death.” Hmmmmmm.

Cersei is making her way through the King’s Landing crowds hoping for a glimpse of Margaery. Absolutely no one is calling Cersei’s name. Ouch. We get a very brief wedding scene in which Tommen looks exactly like Joffrey on his wedding day, minus the shit-eating grin and then…

We get a super uncomfortable post coital scene between the newlyweds. I just… I know they aged the actor up previously but I was hoping it wasn’t for this reason. Sigh.

“I want you all to myself,” says Margaery, trying to stroke Tommen’s ego. They also discuss how weird it is that he’s the King now but he’s oddly not guilty about it. Margaery is also laying it on thick in regards to Cersei mothering him. Later, Tommen and Cersei discuss Caster Rock and how she would maybe be happier if she lived there again. Cersei is not amused. She goes to visit Maergery who is joking about her recent sex marathon with her handmaidens. Cersei, seemingly nervous as hell, tells Margaery if there’s anything she needs, she should just ask. Margaery responds by politely asking what she should call Cersei and upon the word “Dowager” being released from her mouth I thought laser beams were going to shoot out Cersei’s eyes.

We gaze upon Winterfell for the first time in a while where Reek/Theon is cautiously eyeing some new flayed men hung from the walls. Roose dines with Ramsey and they discuss their problems with holding the North. Basically, now that Tywin is dead, they no longer have a Lannister safety net and simply don’t have the men to hold it should an attack comes. He suggests maybe not flaying everyone all the time and marrying for a stronger hold instead.

Uncomfortable, Take 2!

And that’s when we cut to Littlefinger showing Sansa Moat Cailin and she realized the marriage proposal he received back at the Eyrie wasn’t for him, but her. “I won’t go,” she screams. After all, Roose is a traitor who killed Robb. And then Littlefinger is all, no, no, it’s cool, you’ll be marrying Ramsey! I don’t think Sansa is aware of his tendencies but she’s still not having it. “I will starve myself!” Then Littlefinger grabs her face and, oh sweet Jesus, where is the mace when you need it? He explains this is her best move unless she wants to run and hide for the rest of her life. She can use this opportunity to avenge her family. Sansa will suck it up and oh boy, do I hope she gets to knife Roose in the throat.

Brienne and Pod are keeping watch from afar and share stories of their past. She wonders how he wound up squiring for the Imp (Pod is still sticking up for his buddy and reminds her he didn’t like to be called that). His first knight stole a ham and was killed for it. He rightly should have been put to the death as well for sharing in the feast but Tywin heard his family name was “Payne” and sent him to King’s Landing to squire for Tyrion as punishment for them both. “Sorry you have to squire for me,” says Brienne. “I’m not,” says Pod and she breaks into her story. It’s one of a ball from her childhood where she was forced to dress up and all the young male guests played along, for a time. When they started making fun of her Renly came to her aid and danced with her, shutting all the others up. She reaffirms her goal to

him and kill Stannis. She also agrees to train Pod so he can become a Knight. :)

At the Wall, Jon refuses Stannis who absolutely does not have time for this shit. He informs Jon he’ll be taking his men to Winterfell and that the Wildlings’ fate is in his hands. Davos stays behind to tell him Stannis really likes him! Truly! He then has the little kid who killed Ygritte (who is now Jon’s steward) recite the Watch oath…

and tries to convince him again to help because yo, helping Winterfell helps the realm.

At the House of Black and White, Arya is minding her own business when she gets hit by another woman serving there… oh hey, it’s Faye Marsay from Doctor Who’s “Last Christmas!” Jaqen interrupts the “game of faces” they were apparently playing for which he insists Arya is not ready. He looks at her little coffin sleeping cubby hole and is all “Who’s shit is that, huh? It’s Arya’s.” So off she goes to throw what’s left of Arya into the water (they don’t have garbage cans in Braavos??) but… gets choked up when it comes time to get rid of Needle and… omg I’m getting choked up too. Winterfell… Jon… a lifetime ago. She decides to keep her sword, hiding it in some nearby rocks instead. She’s then allowed to help clean a man who has died, but still has no idea why or what’s going on there.

Sansa arrives back at Winterfell and puts on her best fake face for Roose. Hnnnnnnngg stab stab stab. When shown to her room (can’t tell if it’s her original room or not) the attendant throws her a quick welcome back: “The North Remembers.”

Jon has to assign some new jobs at the Wall, one of which is building a new latrine pit… which no one seems to want to do even though it’s a NEW pit and therefore should not have any shit or piss in it so jesus calm down Night’s Watch. It looks like Jon will assign the job to Janos Slynt but instead goes for a ginger dude and everyone laughs about it because I guess people are just really stupid about redheads in fiction too. Ahem.

Jon goes on to name Ser Allister First Ranger which is met with agreement from all and assigns Janos to Greyguard, one of the abandoned castles further along the Wall. And he is not happy about it because wah wah wah it’s a lot of work. He insists he will not do it. Oh yeah, says Jon? Take this douche outside!!

Janos acts tough until his neck is literally placed on the chopping block. He starts crying mercy, says “I’m sorry” for everything, I’m afraid, I’m scared. Annnnnd now he’s headless. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Especially when you consider Jon is getting justice for Ned here. Also, if I might add, great effects for that chop. Stannis looks on with an actual smile.

[Editor’s Note: Leaving this video here because it’s too spoilery for its own post but definitely worth a watch.]

At Littlefinger’s brothel, the High Septon is on his knees picking sexy times from ladies dressed like the Seven. A group of Sparrows pulls him out and makes him walk through streets naked. Lancel is among them. He gets a bit roughed up but asks the council to execute the High Sparrow over this. Instead, Cersei goes to find him amongst the poor for a chat and yah!! Jonathan Pryce in the house!! She agrees with them, the High Septon is totally fucked up and she’s thrown him in jail. The Faith and the Crown are the pillars that uphold this world she says, both suffers if one does. Cersei then gives Qybern a message for Littlefinger and asks how’s work? He says good. After she leaves we see a twitching body under a sheet behind him. Ohhhh shit.

Reek is doing his best to avoid Sansa at Winterfell as Littlefinger has a heart to heart with Ramsey about the match. Ramsey swears he’ll never hurt Sansa. In another conversation with Roose we find out he’s been reading Littlefinger’s mail (the note from Cersei) Your gamble paid off, Littlefinger says of killing the Stark’s, I have no reason to betray you. Plus, I have the Eyrie, bitch!

Tyrion is SO DONE with his fancy travel box. Against Varys’ wishes, he gets out to visit Volantis, walking through streets of slaves. There’s a priestess of the Lord of Light and omg it’s Katana/Yukio!!!

AKA actor Rila Fukushima, and the first Japanese person to have a role in the show(???). This makes me so happy. She spots Tyrion and gives him a major stare down before Varys and he decide to slip away to a brothel. A brothel in which there’s a Danaerys lookalike working and, oh man, Jorah is there!!! I COULD NOT FEEL MORE WEIRD RIGHT NOW. Tyrion has a nice conversation with one of the workers but apparently can’t bring himself to fuck after murdering Shae. He goes off to take a piss off the wall of the place (a favorite pastime) and Jorah captures him. “I’m taking you to the queen.”

So yeah. Not a very action filled episode but a damn good one if you ask me. I’m still aching for more Dorne but it looks like we’ll be getting more next week. What did you think of the episode?

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