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OH MY GOD WE’RE ALREADY ON EPISODE FOUR THE SEASON IS ALMOST OVER
*ahem*
This week we begin with Jorah conking a poor fisherman over the head to steal his boat in order to get back to Daenerys with the kidnapped Tyrion. But hey, at least he leaves the dude some coin for his trouble, right?
Meanwhile, on another boat, Jaime Lannister gets a beautiful view of Brienne’s home — Tarth — before settling in for an uncomfortable conversation with his traveling companion Bronn. He wants to know why they’re being so secretive and Jaime insists it’s so they don’t start a war. Bronn tries to lay out the truth, that they’re rescuing Jaime’s daughter but Jaime’s not willing to make that admission to him just yet. Once they get on the topic of Tyrion killing Tywin, things get even more tense — Jaime insists he’ll kill Tyrion if he ever sees him again.
In King’s Landing, the smaller small council is discussing their debts to the Iron Bank of Braavos and Cersei forcibly assigns Margaery’s father Mace as their envoy to discuss how best to pay them back. She then has a solo meeting with the High Sparrow, who does not any wine thankyouverymuch.
They discuss the “Faith Militant” who used to enforce religious law on the city. Cersei suggests bringing them back. She then tells him of a “great sinner” in their midst and we cut to the Sparrows breaking up the party at Littlefinger’s brothel. While there they violently remove or kill patrons including a man who was there to sleep with another man. We also get a painful view of Lancel getting their religious mark carved into his forehead before he himself goes to arrest Loras for the same crimes.
Margaery busts into her new hubby’s room where he had zero clue what’s going on. She insists it’s his mother’s doing to which he replies, “aren’t you and mother getting along?”
He promises he will get Loras released immediately. First he goes to Cersei who claims she isn’t the one holding him and so she can not release him. He must speak to the High Sparrow. On the steps of the Sept, King Tommen’s way is blocked by the Sparrows because the High Sparrow is praying. His guards ask if he’d like them to kill all of them but once he starts hearing the crowd call him a “bastard” and a “perversion” he decides violence may not be the best path just now. He goes back to Margaery to try to explain and well, that doesn’t go well. Looks like he’ll be sleeping alone tonight.
At the Wall, Stannis’ wife is being weird as usual. Melisandre stares her down until she leaves. Sam is giving Jon letters to sign, asking for new Night’s Watch recruits, but things get uncomfortable when he drops one in front of him with the name “Bolton” on it. Melisadre comes to convince Jon once again that he should join Stannis at Winterfell. And then she, um, puts Jon’s hand on her breast as some sort of proof of life. He finally pushes her away as she goes in for more, claiming he’s still in love with Ygritte, even if she is dead. She gives up but on her way out of the room she drops a bomb. “You know nothing, Jon Snow.”
Shireen comes to visit Stannis and goddammit I bet Rebecca Pahle loved the shit out of this scene. It’s ok, I did too. Feeling unloved, Shireen asks if Stannis is ashamed of her and the answer he gives is the most heartwarming thing we’ve ever seen Stannis do. And then she hugs him. And he stands there still for a while before he hugs her back. Not said: “Don’t tell your mother about this.”
Sansa is down in the crypts of Winterfell, lighting candles for her departed relatives, when Littlefinger drops by to let her know he’ll be leaving for King’s Landing at Cersei’s request. Sansa is all, “EXCUSE!” He tries to reassure her she’ll be fine alone which is not much comfort. He says he’s sure Stannis is on his way and will take Winterfell back from the Boltons no problem. Then he’ll make her the WARDENESS OF THE NORTH and god do I need that on a t-shirt now. But! If Stannis doesn’t come, or does and loses, well then “you’ll take Ramsey and make him yours.”
He’s already fallen for you anyway, says Littlefinger. “You’ve learned to maneuver from the very best,” he also says, kissing her again. Too bad they don’t have Listerine in Westeros.
Back at sea, Jaime and Bronn make their way to the shores of Dorne under cover of darkness. Jaime is playing his no hand card for all it’s worth. Bronn saves his life first thing in the morning from a deadly snake and they discuss the best way to die over breakfast. Bronn keeps trying to talk about Cersei but Jaime is all BRO, CHILL. They run into trouble again when four Dornish warriors happen upon them. Jaime is all, “one hand,” so Bronn must do most of the killing work. However, Jaime does get one lucky kill. Oh and he makes Bronn bury the men so they aren’t found out. I hope he’s paying Bronn well.
Ellaria comes charging up on her gorgeous horse to… the Sand Snakes! Her daughter Tyene greets her warmly while Nymeria and Obara are a bit more standoffish. Ellaria informs them Prince Doran will not help them in their cause and Obara assumes this means they cannot start a war. “We don’t need an army to start a war,” insists Ellaria. She reminds them they have Cersei’s daughter when Nymeria whips a basket off the head of Jaime’s ship captain buried in the sand. He told Obara he had info to sell about his coming. They decide to fight and Obara throws her spear into the captain’s head.
We meet back up with Tyrion who is sorely unhappy about having his mouth gagged and plays “how annoying can I be” until Jorah removes the gag. He does some inquiring and realizes who Jorah is but assumes he’s taking him to Cersei. When Jorah tells him they’re going to see Danaerys, Tyrion tells him he was headed to see her anyway. But Tyrion, being the observant and intelligent type, also figures out Jorah has been exiled for spying on her. And also in true Tyrion form, he touches a nerve and gets smacked hard by Jorah.
In Mereen, Ser Barristan Selmy tells Dany a story about Rhaegar singing in the streets of King’s Landing like a common minstrel. Daario tells her she has subjects waiting and she asks Ser Barristan to sing a song for her in the streets. Hizdahr zo Loraq is bugging her once again to open the fighting pits. “Traditions are the only thing that will hold this city, your city, together” he insists.
In the streets, the Sons of the Harpy proceed with what seems to be a very well coordinated attack. More Unsullied are killed at brothels while others are caught in tight spaces and outnumbered. Grey Worm is among them. The Unsullied are not really living up to their reputation here and are getting slaughtered. Grey Worm is holding his own, killing quite a few of them by himself, but also takes some bad hits. Ser Barristan hears the commotion and runs to help. He also kicks major ass but… it’s not enough, he’s overtaken by Sons of the Harpy as well and takes what appears to be several killing blows. The Harpys are dead but he falls to the floor with Grey Worm close behind him.
I… can’t. Talk amongst yourselves.
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Published: May 4, 2015 01:18 pm