And Now, The Trailer For Arnold Schwarzenegger’s The Governator [Video]

Okay, so this is going to elicit all kinds of feelings in people, different varieties of feelings, feelings we may or may not choose to understand. But for now, just go with it. Take a deep breath … now, let’s do this.

First of all: Larry King. He’s in this, and he’s a lively, youngish reporter type who happens to sound exactly like renowned celebrity journalist/CNN host Larry King. That’s his voice, he came out of retirement and took a break from writing stand-up comedy to do this one line of dialogue.

Okay, now that we’re over that, no one is surprised about “I won’t be back.” 1. Because he will beat that dead horse into glue and 2. We know he’s already back. He never actually left.

Next: Who is the band of tech-savvy street urchins living in the Governator’s mansion/Batcave? Are they on loan from Dan Savage? Where are their parents? What are they doing in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s home? Is Arnold their parent? Are they runaways? Hackers? Orphaned runaway hackers? No one is explaining this, and there is only so much suspension of disbelief I can take!

And these robots that are attacking San Francisco — they are Transformers. Transformers that transform from Smartcars. Yeah, why are we scared of that? Pssssssht, that’s like an army of Bumblebees … oh, wait, they’re shooting flames … Never mind, they are defeated by one singular Governator and a milk truck. Haha, Smartcarbots!

And was that supposed to be a Harvey Milk shoutout? What was that about? “Got Milk”?

Speaking of outdated references, that was a Matrix reference. Which leads me to believe that Gov. Schwarzenegger stopped watching other peoples’ movies around the year 2000 so he could mull that political career. Or he thought he could pull off what Robot Chicken did for it’s most recent season premiere. Um, Governator? When you’re asking us to reach as far as we can into our realm of acceptance for your cartoon about being a cyborg former governor who is still an actual person, you can’t pull off a 13-year old movie reference that’s been overplayed for a decade. That’s just too much to ask of us.

I don’t know, that might still have been awesome? My soul doesn’t know what just happened.

(Movieline)