‘He does not get a penny until he delivers.”: What That Viral AITA Post Says About Family Labor

Sometimes you stumble across a Reddit post that feels like a punch to the gut, not because it’s shocking, but because it’s painfully familiar. That’s how I felt reading an AITA post from an 18-year-old girl asking if she was wrong for telling her mom about her dad’s weaponized incompetence.

Breaking Down the Post

To recap, OP has been responsible for grocery shopping since she was 12. She clarifies in the comments that it started under parental supervision until she turned 15, but since then, she’s been on her own. Why? Because her dad hates grocery shopping, and her mom works grueling hours.

Here’s where it gets messy, OP was cooking Christmas dinner and had a detailed shopping list, but her parents didn’t let her go shopping when she planned. Her dad offered to help instead. She gave him a specific list, complete with pictures mind you, only for him to come back with shredded mozzarella instead of block cheese and ground chicken instead of thighs.

When she brought her frustrations to her mom, the response was infuriating. Her mom told her she had no right to be upset because they “never ask [the dad] for anything.”

Excuse me, what?

Medical neglect

Perhaps the most egregious part of OP’s story is when her dad failed to buy essential items for her post-surgery recovery. Medical neglect might seem like a strong term, but what else can we call it when a parent dismisses their child’s needs after a major medical procedure? OP went out of her way to include pictures and detailed instructions, only for her dad to ignore most of the list. That’s not a “mistake.” That’s negligence.

If this behavior were an isolated incident, it might be easier to brush off, but it’s clear this is a long-standing issue. The fact that OP had to rely on her dad while recovering, only to be let down, is a breach of trust that no child should have to endure.

Mom’s role is also disappointing

OP’s mom is working 15-hour days, six or seven days a week. She’s financially strained and, understandably, exhausted. But even with that context, her reaction to OP’s frustrations was very disappointing.

When OP tried to express her feelings, her mom deflected. Instead of addressing the real issue, her husband’s refusal to contribute, she redirected her anger toward OP.

This isn’t unusual in these dynamics. Moms in similar situations often feel stuck. Years of carrying an unequal load lead to resentment, but instead of confronting the root cause (the husband’s behavior), they lash out at the nearest target. Often the child who’s expressing their frustration. This in particular struck a nerve with me, as I’ve dealt with similar issues.

OP even commented to clarify that she wasn’t trying to excuse her mom’s behavior, just provide context. She’s trying to be fair to a woman who has clearly been overworked and under-supported for years. While that’s noble, it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s mom is perpetuating a toxic dynamic by defending her husband’s incompetence and letting it fall on OP’s shoulders. Cycles like these can last generations.

The mental toll

What’s happening here is bigger than groceries. OP is grappling with years of mismanagement, neglect, and the crushing weight of the “mental load”—the invisible labor of planning, organizing, and keeping everything running smoothly.

Her dad’s weaponized incompetence doesn’t just inconvenience her; it undermines her trust and erodes her sense of fairness. It’s a betrayal, plain and simple. And the worst part? It’s made OP question whether her feelings are even valid. Things need to change. Her dad needs to step up: OP’s dad doesn’t just need to help more, he needs to stop choosing to be bad at it. It’s not cute, it’s not quirky. It’s manipulative and harmful. Her mom needs to redirect her anger: Instead of defending her husband’s inaction, OP’s mom should be holding him accountable. Yes, she’s overworked and burned out, but enabling this behavior only ensures the cycle continues.

The verdict

OP is not the asshole. Not even close. She deserves better. OP has done more than her fair share. She’s a teenager who’s been thrust into a role that’s entirely inappropriate for her age. She shouldn’t have to parent her parents.

If you’re reading this OP, you are not wrong for being upset. You’re not overreacting. Your frustration is valid. You’ve been handed an unfair burden, and it’s okay to push back against it. But here’s the thing I need to say as, an adult and now mother, who has been in your shoes, this isn’t your job to fix. Your dad is an adult, and so is your mom. You can express your feelings, but it’s up to them to change. If they don’t, that’s on them, not you.

This Reddit post is a reminder of how early weaponized incompetence starts. It’s not just a joke about men who “can’t” do laundry. It’s a systemic issue that burdens women and, in cases like OP’s, their daughters. The cycle has to end somewhere. And maybe OP’s courage in speaking out is the first step toward breaking it.

To all the weaponized incompetence dads out there: Do better. We see through the act.