‘House of the Dragon’: #TeamGreen is the #TeamJacob of its Era

House of the Dragon is trying to make #TeamGreen a thing—why, though? We all know there is an objectively correct side and a terrible one, just like there was with Twilight.

That’s right—I’m here today to make it known that just like Twilight tried to create a rivalry where there was none with #TeamEdward vs #TeamJacob, there is an objectively correct side to be on now, too—#TeamBlack, the #TeamEdward of this era—and a terrible one, which is obviously the side I don’t align with so I don’t think anyone else should, either.

Non-book spoilers for House of the Dragon below.

Now, first and foremost, I need to tell you I have not read the book the show was based on, so I don’t know if Team Black does something more objectively awful than kill a small child (mercifully off-screen). I come to you as a person on the internet with a strongly held belief and I will selectively pick facts to support my side. Frankly, after reading “Where do the whores go” every other page for A Dance With Dragons, I’ve had to give George R.R. Martin a rest on my reading shelf.

Here’s what I do know about this “feud” between Team Green and Team Black that the ad wizards in HBO’s marketing department have tried to drum up: It’s very one-sided. I’m not just basing this on vibes, even though that’s very much my vibe. Here’s a Reddit poll where the Blacks won out over the Greens 87 percent to 13 percent. Here’s another Reddit post where an online poll of the same question is discussed, where Blacks won 92 to 8 percent. Below you can see a social media poll from the show’s official account where Blacks won with 78 percent. My point is, it’s not even a competition. Team Black wins every time, baby, by a landslide!

That’s also reflected in Google search trends, where searches for Team Black outnumber Team Green in every state over the past year.

Now, cast your mind back to the early 2010s when a similar battle was raging on: Team Edward vs Team Jacob. They sold us shirts! Posters! Birthday Party packs! For one glorious period in time, you could basically walk into any store and pick up a Team Jacob item of your heart’s desire. Why Team Jacob? Well, because those were the only things left on the shelves, my friend.

See, I wholeheartedly believe in one universal truth: vampires are objectively more awesome than werewolves. (No, I will not be answering any follow-up questions on the matter.) As a result, no one in their right mind would have ever sided with Jacob, the wolf boy (who is technically not a werewolf, but a shapeshifter, but just go with it, OK?) over Edward, the vampire. Yet it didn’t stop the marketing machine trying to push the rivalry as if each side had an equal shot at the prize: Bella Swan. (I did just roll my eyes involuntarily, but also, this series is awesome, and I will die on that hill, come back as a vampire, and inexplicably go back to high school. Moving on.)

It’s the same thing all over again. There may be a rivalry, but it’s extremely one-sided to everyone except the marketing machine at work. Team Green is fetch, as in, it’s never going to happen Gretchen, so stop trying!

Team Black has the bad-ass dragon rider lady as its leader , she’s the eldest born child of the dead king Viserys, and she has the objectively better dragons because Vhagar, the only member of Team Green who is actually menacing, has it coming. Also, not for nothing, I am ride or die for Eve Best (Princess Rhaenys, RIP) ever since Nurse Jackie, so where she goes, I go, and she was Team Black’s greatest soldier.

What does Team Green have, really? A psychic they refuse to listen to (always a big mistake in life and art), a sadistic turd who wanted to kill his brother for power, and a dragon (Vhagar) who honestly, is pretty badass, but she’s killed too many characters I like, so I will hate her forever even if she is CGI.

The two sides simply don’t compare, and it seems like the vast majority of everyone agrees. Sorry Jacob. Sorry Greens. You lose.