Stop Making Me Think About Palpatine Having Sex! Enough!

Somehow, we are talking about whether or not Palpatine f***s again. I will never be free! After the release of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, we were forced to reckon with the idea of Palpatine having sex, and now the conversation has continued thanks to Ian McDiarmid himself.

In the new Empire Magazine that is celebrating the prequels and the time we’ve spent with them for 25 years, part of the interview with our Emperor Palpatine has resulted in Ian McDiarmid weighing in on the debate about Rey’s parentage and what it means for Palpatine’s private time. Rey’s father, Palpatine’s son, could have been born out of either the old fashioned way or Palpatine creating a clone, and no one wants to think about the former, ok!?

“Please don’t pursue that line too vigorously,” McDiarmid recently told Empire magazine. “But yes, he does [have sex]. It’s a horrible idea to think of Palpatine having sex in any shape or form. But then, of course, perhaps he didn’t.”

McDiarmid went on talk about how he looks at the Palpatine storyline in The Rise of Skywalker and loves how completely evil Palpatine’s actions seem to him. “The thing that I’m most pleased about, and you know, this only came to a head when they asked me to come back for The Rise Of Skywalker, is that every single evil act in all of the Star Wars franchise is either directly or indirectly down to that character,” McDiarmid said. “That is total evil, and that’s strangely satisfying as an arc. I do feel fortunate to have been able to do it–and other villains of cinema now have to compete with that.”

Great! Cool! I am begging us all to stop talking about this. Palpatine having sex is haunting my dreams and my every waking moment. It’s too much!

Why are we all so obsessed with this!?

When The Rise of Skywalker came out, the way I interpreted it was simply that J.J. Abrams wanted to play with his toys and that was how Palpatine had returned. What I did not expect was to see, time and time again, articles about Palpatine’s sex life! Why are we all this obsessed with this?!

We’re that invested in struck-by-lightning-powers Palpatine sleeping with someone and better yet, who this woman was and why she said, “Yeah, that’s the man for me”???? I don’t want to think! I just want to image that it was a clone situation and move on with my life, and instead, we are always coming back to his sex life.

As with many of the other space virgins in this series, I was fine thinking that Palpatine died never having sex. That was a great way to think and live! Instead, we are now back here, asking this question. Hopefully this puts it all to rest and I never have to be scrolling online only to be confronted with thoughts on whether or not Palpatine has had to use a condom at some point in his life.

(featured image: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)