How to Delete Your TikTok Account

TikTok, I’m breaking up with you.

I have a new boyfriend now. And his name is The Real World. And we do EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

We wake up together. We brush our teeth together. We do laundry. We go to work. We go home. We watch movies. We laugh. We cry. We fall asleep in the shower. We look up at the stars at night contemplating whether life is meaningless or so full of meaning that you need only dip your hand in a cool babbling brook and see infinite meanings reflected in the light that filters through each droplet of water clinging to your fingers.

And you know what my boyfriend DOESN’T DO? He doesn’t put FILTERS on my face. He doesn’t make me dance to INANE POPCORN MUZAK. He doesn’t show me an infinite stream of people who are PRETTIER and SMARTER and MORE TALENTED than I am (except for that one time, but he apologized, OKAY).

TikTok, we’re THROUGH.

So I’m deleting you. Here’s how:

Tap the Profile button. Tap the three line icon in the top right. Tap Settings and Privacy. Tap manage account. Tap delete account.

And don’t ask me why I’m leaving, though I know you will. If anything, that just proves my point more. You don’t listen to me. You never did. Goodbye.

Featured image credit: TikTok