I’m Still Fairly New to Pokémon So I Gotta Know, Is Everyone Supposed to Be Hot?

Recently, we got a new trailer for Pokémon Scarlet and Violet, the next two entries to the ongoing franchise where it’s getting increasingly more difficult to catch ’em all. The trailer revealed new Pokémon to get attached to (LECHONK ALL THE WAY), new legendaries, and a release date that’ll inevitably lead to our Nintendo Switches giving us a report of an extra hundred-some hours played at the end of the year.

With the release of the trailer, conversations have begun as to which game to get at launch – Scarlet or Violet. As a newbie to the franchise, I’m told that we’ll get news about each game to help us in our decision (or, you know, you can just buy both). Currently, we know which legendary Pokémon will correlate with each game (Koraidon for Scarlet and Miraidon for Violet), but we don’t know much about them. We also know that each game will have its own professor, so that also can help in the decision-making process.

There’s just one problem. Both of the profs are hot.

What’s a bisexual to do?

According to the press release, this is the first time that there will be a different professor for each game. “For the first time, one of two different professors will appear in the game depending on which version players choose. In Pokémon Scarlet, players will meet Professor Sada, and in Pokémon Violet, players will meet Professor Turo. Each professor is carrying out research into lore passed down in the region.”

Again, as a newbie to the franchise, I wasn’t aware that being hot for teacher (or rather, professor) was a thing in Pokémon. My first professor (besides Professor Oak being in the anime) was Professor Laventon in Pokémon Legends: Arceus. Now I’m not saying that Laventon is unattractive, he just doesn’t elicit a “mommy, sorry mommy, sorry daddy” response from me the way Sada and Turo do. Sada and Turo are gonna have fanart by the end of the day, I’m sure of it (note: please direct me to the fanart, thank you).

How am I to choose between these two? WHY do I have to choose between these two? Why can’t I have both of them? Maybe that’s what multiplayer is for? I wasn’t ready to have to make a decision like this at the start of Pride Month, you know?

From trainers to lovers, please?

Along with the reveal of Pokémon’s newest professors was the reveal of a new character named Nemona, who is ALSO a cutie. “Nemona has a sunny, energetic disposition and is passionate about Pokémon battles. She’s an experienced Pokémon Trainer and serves as a friend and reliable guide for players on their adventures.” She’s the one in the trailer who we have our first Pokémon battle with and, well, she’s got green in her hair, which automatically makes her cool. I’m gonna pretend like I’m playing a dating sim and court her with my growing skills as a Pokémon Trainer, or something like that.

While we do see glimpses of other characters in the trailer, these three are the ones who have been named – besides the Pokémon, of course. I’m lucky enough to have a wife who will grab whichever Pokémon game I don’t, so I hope I’m able to pay a visit to whichever professor I don’t get to see in my copy. That being said, out of everything I’ve been told about this franchise when asking questions throughout my Arceus adventure, NO ONE had the decency to tell me that the Pokémon cast is generally made up of cuties. I suppose I should’ve known, after all, Arceus‘ Adaman is pretty cute, and I immediately wanted Zisu to step on me.

Is this what it’s like to be a Pokémon fan?

(Featured image: Nintendo/Pokémon)

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