‘It’s such a learning point for parents’: TikTokers raise awareness for childhood trauma with the Pink Tote Lids trend

A new bittersweet trend is sweeping through TikTok. The Pink Tote Lids trend has users sharing heartbreaking moments of childhood trauma that have the power to educate and change parents.

The Pink Tote Lids trend began with TikTok user Jaycie, who recorded herself after a puzzling confrontation with her parents. In the now-deleted video, the girl tells her story while whispering for fear of her parents hearing her. She explains that she was in the shower when her mother started banging on the door, accusing her of having a “f—ing spa day,” and screaming, “Go to f—ing sleep. I need help!” Confused, Jaycie got dressed and went to ask her mom what she needed, to which the mother said, “I need you to put the pink things in my room.” The girl asked what “pink things” her mom was talking about, causing her mother to blow up on her and begin calling her “stupid” because she expected her to know she was referring to “pink tote lids.” When Jaycie tried to explain that “pink things” was a vague description, her father entered the discussion and also began yelling at her that she should “never talk back” to her mother.

The girl is in tears as she describes how both her parents “were going off” on her and would not stop. She takes multiple deep breaths and is practically shaking as she desperately tries to regulate her emotions. You can see the girl’s sheer pain, frustration, anger, and sense of defeat at that moment. Sadly, far too many users could relate to that moment.

The Pink Tote Lids Moment trend explained

Jaycie’s video went viral, gaining over 7 million likes and countless reshares and comments. She ended up deleting the video and clarified that her parents are not abusive. Her video wasn’t supposed to go viral and was simply a way for her to vent after a fight with her mother. Although she didn’t intend to, she quickly started a trend. Some of the participants in the trend are survivors of child abuse, while others don’t consider their parents abusive. The point of the trend is simply to highlight moments that had a profound effect on a child in which they were unfairly verbally or physically attacked by a parent for seemingly no reason. Countless individuals began sharing their personal “pink tote lids” moments and the toll it took on them. Some of the videos discuss physical, verbal, and emotional abuse and may be triggering to watch.

Some users described how doing something completely innocent, such as commenting about homework or touching the thermostat, led to outlandish reactions from their parents, such as their parents threatening to call the police on them. A lot of them described these traumatic moments as having lasting effects on them or as being the moment they decided to stop speaking to or cut off all contact with their parents. The trend has also given some abuse survivors a way to explain their experiences, as some users revealed their entire childhoods were solely “pink tote lids moments.”

A child psychiatrist, Dr. Willough Jenkins, described the trend as raising awareness for the impact of “classic displacement of anger” and stated the videos can be “such a learning point for parents.” Anger displacement is when someone takes their negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, out on a target they perceive as nonthreatening, even though the target isn’t the source of the anger. TikTok users have urged parents to watch these “pink tote lids” videos, believing they can spark important conversations, push parents to change their behavior, and help adult survivors navigate their childhood trauma.

It’s sadly unlikely that these videos will move abusive/narcissistic parents. However, they do have the power to change parents who genuinely are trying to do right by their children. It’s easy for parents to dismiss these “pink tote lids” moments and make excuses about their temper or bad days. These videos demonstrate that what they might dismiss as a “bad day” could be a lasting and devastating moment for a child. It forces parents to put themselves in their children’s shoes and understand how perplexing, frightening, frustrating, and traumatic it is to be an innocent child or teen and suddenly find oneself being berated and attacked for no decipherable reason. While everyone makes mistakes and deserves grace, this trend warns parents that too many or too severe of pink tote lids moments can destroy child/parent relationships and lead to lasting trauma.