J.D. Vance is VERY bad at this

It’s hard to explain just how bad J.D. Vance is at the American political machine, but since this is a publication and not an interpretive dance class, I’m going to at least try. If he weren’t such a turd, it would almost be tragic how badly he’s failing. Instead, it’s hilarious to watch.

Case in point, at a rally in Wisconsin (which both parties are trying to win for their strategy), when asked how Vance was going to prepare to debate Tim Walz for the upcoming Vice Presidential Debate, he replied, “‘Well, I found a good friend from back home who embellishes and lies a lot, I’m having him stand in for Tim Walz.”

Lest you forget, Donald Trump is a prolific (and terrible) lair, and Tim Walz, well, isn’t. Maybe someone didn’t tell Vance about throwing stones from glass houses, but there is something so beautiful about a terrible person repeatedly opening himself up for public mockery. Obviously people, didn’t just let it go that Vance called Walz a liar, despite aligning himself with the biggest fraudster of all:

Here’s another:

I’m obsessed with how the tech-bro, power-hungry weirdo has been aiming for this role for a long time, and the moment he gets it, he’s absolutely terrible at it. It’s the personification of failing upward, and I can’t get enough of how awful J.D. Vance is at politics on the national stage. It’s as if he’s figuratively in a vast, empty field that has one, lone rake lying on the ground, and he somehow manages to step on the rake every move he makes, Sideshow Bob-style, when he has the option to do anything else. It makes you wonder if being humiliated on an international stage is his kink, and we’re all unwilling participants in it. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I want to see his ticket lose, but at least give us a heads up?)

If I were him, I’d be quaking in my boots, debating a high school teacher who undoubtedly has his number because he’s dealt with knuckleheads like him for his entire career. Does he really think a man who was an assistant coach to a bunch of rowdy teenage football players won’t immediately know how to neutralize him in front of the entire world? I’ve seen J.D. Vance attempt to take potshots at people. I am extremely confident you could pluck a random high schooler off the street, and they could deliver more devastating verbal blows without having a team behind them to prep them for the feat. Walz was a man who controlled the chaos every day as a school teacher. Vance doesn’t stand a chance.

If the implications of a Trump/Vance administration weren’t so terrifying, I’d wish for this public self-flagellation to last longer. That reporters would tee up questions that are designed to make Vance open himself up to public ridicule. That he got duped into hosting a rally at the Four Seasons Furniture, a mini-chain of, yes you guessed it, sofa stores in swing state North Carolina, calling back to the dying days of Trump’s 2020 campaign.

I’m not a dummy, though, so I’m very much looking forward to seeing Tim Walz wipe the floor with Vance during the VP debate, so he can fade into obscurity, and we can go back to believing the worst export of Ohio is Skyline Chili, which some monsters make with chocolate sauce, and is definitely served on top of a plate of spaghetti. Until then, though, we at least have more inevitable gaffes from Vance to look forward to.