Mike Pence Is Launching His Presidential Campaign Next Week. Great.

Do you hear that disturbance in the force, Mother? It’s former Vice President Mike Pence summoning the forces of depravity in order to gather his strength and formally enter the Presidential race. I’ll be honest, I don’t really pay attention to bland, evil men so this one is taking me by surprise because is there really room in the Republican party for generic, run-of-the-mill terrible people with atrocious policies, anymore? Well, we’ll find out after June 7, which is the expected Pence campaign kickoff date. Per AP News:

Pence will hold a kickoff event in Des Moines on June 7, the date of his 64th birthday, according to two people familiar with his plans who spoke on condition of anonymity to share details ahead of the official announcement. He is also expected to release a video message that morning as part of the launch.

Oh sweet mercy, that man is literally throwing himself a birthday party that basically no one will go to. There’s something deeply pathological about that, and frankly, I don’t want to explore the thought process further. What I would like to know is why Indiana, his home state, isn’t the location for the kickoff, and The AP has the answer:

The decision to begin his campaign in Iowa instead of his home state of Indiana underscores the importance Pence’s team is placing on the early-voting state. They see Iowa as critical to Pence’s potential path to victory and hope his message will resonate with the evangelical Christian voters who make up a substantial portion of the state’s Republican electorate. Pence is an avowed social conservative and is staunchly opposed to abortion rights, favoring a national ban.

LOL. So yet another pale, male, and stale man running on the losing platform (as proven time and time again) of “abortion is bad.” So, right off the bat, you’re telling me Pence is an unserious candidate. No surprises there. What is surprising is that he would even run at all because Donald Trump is in the race, and he’s clearly the frontrunner for the GOP nomination at the moment and there was that whole thing where his supporters, you know, called for Pence’s public execution.

That said, Pence did spend an awful lot of time testifying before a grand jury investigating Trump this April, so maybe he knows something we don’t? Per AP News:

Former Vice President Mike Pence testified Thursday [April 27, 2023] before a federal grand jury investigating efforts by then-President Donald Trump and his allies to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election, according to a person familiar with the matter.

Pence’s appearance before a grand jury in Washington scrutinizing the president he once loyally served is a milestone in the Justice Department’s investigation and likely gives prosecutors a key first-person account about certain conversations and events in the weeks preceding the deadly Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. It also carries significant political implications, coming as Pence hints at entering the 2024 presidential race and a potential run against Trump, the Republican front-runner.

Obviously, Trump being arrested and in jail would put a damper on his second presidential bid, and if that happens, it’s anyone’s guess who would become the GOP frontrunner (although my money would still be on Trump, so far the GOP has fallen.) In that scenario, perhaps Pence could make a dent in Republican voters’ hearts. His proposed policies are already terrible, but you knew that. Per AP News:

He has also argued in favor of cuts to programs like Social Security and Medicare — which both Trump and DeSantis have vowed not to touch — and criticized DeSantis for his escalating feud with Disney.

So to summarize, Pence is running on an anti-abortion, anti-Social Security, and anti-Medicare stance. Yup, seems like winning positions to take all around. No notes on my end, Father Pence. I’m not saying there are any good candidates on the GOP side, but if there were, you would not be considered one of them. Have fun in Iowa, I guess.

(featured image: Drew Angerer/Getty Images)