What does it mean to be the most popular Squishmallow? Is it the most sought after of mallows? The most purchased by the masses? Or how about the most loved by a single person? Every Squishmallow is popular to someone.
Quick List
1. Ilene the Pink Unicorn
Everyone loves a unicorn! Just ask any heteroflexible couple whose relationship is on the rocks! Ilene The Pink Unicorn is the perfect Squishmallow to notice from across the bar and dig her vibe! I mean just look at here! She’s totally adorable! And no, she probably isn’t gonna be able to save your failing marriage. But it’s still a popular idea that a unicorn could!
2. Zobey the Fancy Octopus
Zobey the Fancy Octopus is what people back in the Gilded Age would call a “man about town.” Octopus about town, rather. One can tell simply from this cephalopod’s monocle, mustache, and cheerful demeanor that he has disposable income and a robust social calendar. Everyone loves to be friends with someone rich! Just don’t be a hanger-on, or next thing you know Zobey’s financial assets and holdings will dry up.
3. Poplina the Purple Boba Tea
Who doesn’t love bubble tea? I’d argue that it rivals regular tea in popularity! Poplina the Purple Boba Tea is surely one of the most sought after drinks on the market. Who doesn’t love the feeling of inhaling tapioca balls while sucking down a sugary concoction? And what’s the purple color? Could it be yarrow, perhaps? Fine Poplina, keep your secrets.
4. Aldous the Fruit Bat
The goths of the animal kingdom, bats are adorable and often misunderstood little creatures. Did you know that they make up one quarter of all mammal species on Earth? They are easily one of the most populous, and therefore most popular by default. Aldous The Fruit Bat is a member of one of the most adorable bat species around. He’s just a little sky puppy!
5. Cam Calico Cat
Everyone loves a cat. Cultures around the world have venerated them for millennia. Ancient Egyptians thought they were gods. They’re similarly sacred in Islam, and even the prophet Muhammed was said to have a kitty! Cam the Calico Cat comes from a long lineage of celebrated felines. He’s a calico cat, meaning that he’s a highly rare and sought after sort. Male calico cats are some of the rarest cats on the planet.
6. Brina the Pink Bigfoot
Speaking of rare, Brina the Pink Bigfoot has never before been spotted in the wild. You can be certain that she’s out there, else why would they make a Squishmallow of a creature that doesn’t exist? That doesn’t make any sense! It’s how I know an echidna is a made up animal. No Squishmallow. Bigfoots are arguably the most famous and popular cryptid around. You know how many people have claimed to have seen one? Quite a few.
7. Connor the Cow
Cows are really popular animals for a number of reasons that Connor the Cow would probably rather not hear. Meat. Leather. Milk. Cows are one of the most populous farm animals on the planet behind chickens. Lucky for Connor he’s made of stuffing and not flesh, so he’s safe from human consumption, but not safe from human cuddleation.
8. Gary the Giraffe
Gary the Giraffe is a member of the tallest species of mammals on Earth, but clocking in at only 14 inches he’s a short king. And hey, everyone loves a short king. Just ask the internet! They’re one of the most lusted after social groups, along with muscle mommies and hot rodent boyfriends or whatever the people are into these days.
9. Maui the Pineapple
Maui the Pineapple is one of the world’s most popular pizza toppings, despite what the haters have to say. Does Maui let the anti-Hawaiian pizza ops get her down? Hell no! Or maybe she’s actually sympathetic to their cause? Considering pineapples are cut up and eaten when placed on pizza? Maui doesn’t belong on a New York City slice. She must be protected at all costs.
10. Charles Pickle
Bro … Charles Pickle. CHARLES. PICKLE. What else is there to say? Charlie P. might just be the swaggiest Squishmallow on the market. Just look at his slutty little hot boy mustache! His rizz-tacular winking eye! Why settle for a basic-ass Squishmallow man when you can pick the Pickle? Know your worth.
11. Truman Blue Leatherback Turtle
Truman the Blue Leatherback Turtle may share a name with a U.S. president with a problematic legacy, but this little guy ain’t like that! One look at Truman’s little face will tell you that this sea turtle is ready to make love, not war. He would obviously be a conscientious objector. An increasingly popular stance in modern society.
12. Claudia the Purple Beet
Claudia the Purple Beet is an adorable facsimile of a vegetable responsible for one of the most popular dishes in Eastern Europe. I’m talking of course about borscht! You haven’t LIVED until you’ve tried it. Just don’t tell Claudia about it. Who knows how many of her relatives were chopped up to make a bowl of the stuff. A tragic reality. For Claudia the purple beat, ignorance is bliss indeed.
13. Carin the Blue Dragon
What with Game of the Thrones and House of the Dragon coming to the cultural fore, Carin the Blue Dragon and her brethren are seeing a resurgence in popularity. Dragons are one of the most common mythological creatures on the planet. Literally every culture has a version of one! But what sort of dragon is Carin? A murderous, Satanic Western dragon fit only to be slain by knights and saints? Or is she a wise and benevolent dragon of the East? Granting knowledge and divine power to whosoever seeks her? You’re just gonna have to buy one and find out. Let’s hope that she doesn’t live up to the other half of her namesake in this case. You don’t want to have to deal with Carin threatening to call the manager in every store the pair of you walk into.
Published: Aug 13, 2024 04:59 pm