Of Course ‘Cocaine Cat’ Made His Debut in Ohio

Here at the ol’ Mary Sue, we have very particular stances, ranging from relevant to niche. On the niche side of things, we’ve talked about the Cocaine Animal Craze, as well as the oddities surrounding the state of Ohio in its totality.

However, never in my wildest days did I ever think I’d see the two things join together. Recently, in Cincinnati, an African serval was found roaming the streets, zooted out of his poor mind:

Servals are strong cats, roughly the size of a husky or German Shepard, and can jump several feet in the air. This particular serval was hiding out in a tree; the local dog wardens were able to get him down before transferring him to a local vet. I cannot imagine what kinds of behaviors would lead the ever-increasing team of physicians assigned to this cat to screen it for narcotics. But, indeed, after sedating the poor kitty (and treating its BROKEN LEG), they did find traces of cocaine in its bloodstream.

Now, the serval—whose name is Amiry—is living and recovering in the Cincinnati Zoo. To clarify some things, the serval did not come from the Cincinnati Zoo. The serval was some guy’s household pet. No, this is not legal. No, owning exotic animals is not the flex some people think it is. It’s probably the most dangerously masturbatory “hobby” one could indulge in. And the sick part is, Amiry isn’t even the only serval escapee spotted in the last six months: a female was found by some farmers in Missouri, who had to ship her off to a wildlife sanctuary in Arkansas.

Dear god. When will we learn that animals are not our playthings? When will we leave them TF alone? When will we indulge in other hobbies? Properly caring for any basic pet requires so much love, attention, and money. And big cats aren’t pets. They’re wild animals wired to hunt, stalk, and sleep. If you’re that pressed for wildlife excitement, you could just download a bootleg copy of Zoo Tycoon and let loose a T-Rex. You could buy a plushie from WWF. Shit, you could sit in a cat cafe and revel in the stinkiness. But don’t think for a second that illegally purchasing exotic animals makes you some sort of cool-guy animal whisperer.

Poor Amiry. I hope they’re giving him all the goat leg his serval tummy can handle.

(Featured Image: Cincinnati Animal CARE)