Okay but Will ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ Let You Take a Dump on the Floor?

Let me be clear: I have absolutely no interest in playing Hogwarts Legacy. Harry Potter but open world? Yawn. Even if I were still a fan of the series, J.K. Rowling’s ongoing transphobia has absolutely destroyed my interest in the game.

Hogwarts Legacy comes out on February 10, and while I will refrain from purchasing or playing the game, I can come up with only one thing about it that I want to know: Can you take a shit on the floor in Warner Bros. Games and Avalanche Software’s upcoming immersive Harry Potter RPG? Let’s dig into the lore and find out.

Yes, Hogwarts students once defecated “wherever they stood”

In 2019, the Pottermore Twitter account (now under the name Wizarding World) tweeted the following fun fact, confirming that wizards and witches had an alternate means of taking a bowel movement when there was no such thing as urinals and stalls:

Hogwarts didn’t always have bathrooms. Before adopting Muggle plumbing methods in the eighteenth century, witches and wizards simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence. #NationalTriviaDay

J.K. Rowling originally revealed this disgusting fact in 2015, when she wrote that Hogwarts’ plumbing “became more elaborate in the eighteenth century.” This was a rather unique decision for Hogwarts, a “rare instance of wizards copying Muggles,” most likely because seeing your classmate shitting themselves in Divination spoiled the mystical mood. Nonetheless, this would mean that Hogwarts began implementing proper bathrooms by the time Napoleon rose to power.

So, will Hogwarts Legacy let you relieve yourself on the floor like wizards and witches of yesteryear? Probably not. Hogwarts Legacy takes place around 1890, putting the game cleanly in the 19th century. Given Muggle plumbing was already put into place by the 1700s, Hogwarts students were almost certainly used to pissing and shitting on top of the Chamber of Secrets by then. Players can most likely expect their fellow classmates to relieve themselves in a stall or urinal like a normal human being.

Nonetheless, I’ve reached out to a PR studio representing Hogwarts Legacy for confirmation whether Hogwarts Legacy will “utilize” public bowel movements and urination “as a feature,” or if it will be “discussed in the game.” I’m sure they will appreciate my sincere interest in this game.

“I hate that it’s official”

Harry Potter fans have been discussing the mechanics of Rowling’s bizarre bowel movement lore for years. A Reddit post on r/HarryPotterGame, which jokingly claimed the game would let players “shit on [the] castle floor in this game,” had a lively debate from fans over how Hogwarts students did their business. Rowling certainly has a knack for saying things that will absolutely devastate her fans, even on the smallest of subjects.

“I hate this tweet so much. I hate that it’s official. I hate that it makes so much of a continuity problem with Chamber of Secrets,” one fan wrote. “But, most importantly, I hate the idea of a Hogwarts student in charms class having to listen to someone taking a struggle dump at their desk.”

Another replied: “But why tho? Honestly, back in the 1700s people would poop in a hole and throw it into the streets, and that’s real life. We think of it today as being disgusting and unsanitary but back then it was a normal way of living.”

Unfortunately, Hogwarts Legacy probably won’t confirm whether students would “just shit their pants where they stood,” or if they “found a quiet spot to pop a squat.” But if Hogwarts Legacy does a followup game in the 17th or 16th century, we could finally get a light cast on this bizarre, unnecessary part of Harry Potter history.

In the meantime, you should probably steer clear of picking up Hogwarts Legacy. J.K. Rowling would ultimately profit from the game’s sales, financially aiding her transphobic ventures. And the game’s development has been riddled with problems, from the project’s former lead designer defending Gamergate, to the game’s “Goblin Rebellion” plotline, which further plays into the antisemitic tropes already established around Harry Potter’s goblin characters.

So if you really want an immersive magical school shitting experience, sit this one out and wait for the Hogwarts fan game that takes place in the pre-modern era. You’ll be doing the world a service—and you’ll finally get to learn how Hogwarts bowel movements worked before the 1700s.

(featured image: Warner Bros. Games)