What The $%^$ Is A Devil Fruit in ‘One Piece?’

Wait … I thought a “devil fruit” was what people from the Westboro Baptist Church like to call queer people like me? That’s what we get for turning their church into a Pokemon Go gym whose boss is a Clefairy named LoveIsLove, right?

Oh wait, it isn’t?

Oh God, it’s a One Piece thing, isn’t it?

Okay, so a “devil fruit” is not actually a hilarious way to refer to one of the gays who has not accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. But I think I speak on behalf of all us gays when I say that it should be. No, a devil fruit is an actual fruit from the world of One Piece. And what does this fruit do, you ask? Why, it gives you magical powers, that’s what it does.

Not some farting rainbows or “wingardium leviosa” kind of magical powers, no. They more change your body on a molecular level so you can defy the laws of nature in a way that really seems like magic. But I assure you, it is a well documented scientific process.

So for instance, when the One Piece protagonist Monkey D. Luffy ate a devil fruit, this particular fruit turned his body super stretchy like on some Mr. Fantastic shit. Devil fruits are actually broken up into three categories: Paramecia, Zoan, and Logia. Paramecia devil fruit are the most common. When eaten, they give the user the a variety of superhuman abilities, including the ability to generate shockwaves, split their body into pieces, or turn their body into sharp blades. The Zoan devil fruits are more rarer and more powerful. They allow the user to transform into an animal. Some Zoans allow the user to transform into an ancient animal like a dinosaur, or maybe a trilobite? I don’t know. Finally, other Zoans allow the user to transform into mythical animals or beings like a phoenix, or probably a unicorn? That type of devil fruit, the Logia, allows the user to transform their own bodies into a natural element, like water, earth, fire, or air (long ago, the four nations … lol jk). The Logia even allows users to transform their bodies into weird elements like … plants? And even literal darkness.

Devil fruits are pretty powerful. That’s why the Westboro Baptist Church is so afraid of them. The only downside to eating a devil fruit is that the person who eats it instantly loses the ability to swim. On Earth, that’s chill. Nobody has to swim that often, and you can just put a towel out of you’re going to the beach. In the world of One Piece however, that’s a problem, because basically everybody is on a pirate ship or a naval ship and they’re around water all the time. So if the Westboro Baptist Church wants to stay safe from devil fruits, they should just move to a deserted island in the middle of the ocean. I think that would solve a lot of problems.

(Featured Image: Viz Media)