As your child presents their candy haul from Trick-or-Treating through the neighborhood, you notice that two of the treats are rather … phallic … and not in that “pillars on The Little Mermaid cover” kind of way, but a “fun sex party with supple breast cake” kind of way.
Such was the case for one parent according to, you’ve guessed it, Best of Nextdoor.
🚨URGENT ALERT🚨 pic.twitter.com/DuIaCxqWlb
— Best of Nextdoor (@bestofnextdoor) November 1, 2021
Now my personal headcanon says that the person passing out the dick pops had no intention of handing them out to tiny tots. I think they just ran out of candy and scrambled for something, accidentally tossing in some “how many licks does it take to get to the suggestive center” treats. I myself ran out of candy earlier than I thought I would on October 31st, so I ended up going in my regular candy stash (which is safe for work, in case you’re curious).
Still, the damage has been done, and this parent is distressed over their daughter coming home with some wink wink, nudge nudge, blow pops (one of which was black!!!)
Wait.
Why is that detail necessary to include?
Why are there so many exclamation points after the black part?
Damnit, this could’ve just been a regular ol’ Best of Nextdoor post where Twitter made a bunch of Halloween candy sex jokes or offered ways to offer the candy to kids without them knowing what it was that they were eating.
Totally fake.
No way the black one is smaller.
— Good Night And Good Luck (..we gonna need it) (@RiddickTNT) November 1, 2021
I 100% agree but you’ve broken the rule. Please refrain from having “dick” and “cut it up into smaller pieces” in the same paragraph. Thank you 😊
— Douglas Darby (@douglas_darby) November 1, 2021
It could’ve even been a fun fact about the lengths people would take to examine the candy, as the parent mentions having it x-rayed for foreign objects.
No but local hospitals and urgent cares etc set up little events to xray candy
— Queer Wrath Autumn Edition 🤎❤️🧡💛💚 (@caz_tastrophe) November 1, 2021
But nope, now we all gotta go in on the BLACK part emphasized, in parenthesis, because this concerned parent really wanted us to know that one of these disco sticks was black.
“One of which was black!!!”
Told on herself. Smh. https://t.co/06DyREuaGD
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) November 1, 2021
She was like “the penis candy was concerning, but a black dick is a bridge too far” https://t.co/9OkhKXvgMF
— Jacquis (@jacquisneal) November 1, 2021
“ONE OF WHICH WAS BLACK!” pic.twitter.com/Fdf4hRuEGA
— U discreet with a belly ring? ☹️ (@Dang_Rashad) November 1, 2021
So was she more upset at the dick being Black, or the fact that it was a dick? Lol
— Chad S. (@tonysnow_jr) November 1, 2021
“I can excuse penis shape candy but I draw the line at a black one” pic.twitter.com/X1UtM9s9LP
— But Black Dynamite… (@TheJLMProgram) November 1, 2021
I guess it could’ve been worse.
It could’ve been in Rancho Cucamonga.
here in Rancho Cucamonga we only use full sized chocolate dongs
— John #LGM (@jc_518x) November 1, 2021
Happy “make sure to grab the safe for work clearance candy while you can” Halloween!
(Image: Paramount Pictures)
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Published: Nov 2, 2021 04:38 pm