PETA’s Vegan Guide to Animal Crossing Just Sounds Like The Onion

I regret to inform you that the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) are at it again. The animal rights group, whose tactics often lean towards the absurd, has released a new campaign titled “PETA’s Vegan Guide to Animal Crossing: New Horizons.”

The post reads, “This vegan guide to it will help answer some of the tough ethical questions that it presents as well as give you an opportunity to help real animals while living your island life.” Umm, say what?

That’s right: PETA is VERY concerned about the treatment of the virtual animals in everyone’s favorite quarantine past-time. In addition to a lengthy post on their website, PETA has released a TikTok where they storm Blathers’ museum and and demand that he empty the tanks, with the hashtag #BlathersIsOverParty. Honestly, just typing that last sentence made me want to hurl myself into the ocean.

A cultural reset 🦉🐟 #AnimalCrossingNewHorizons pic.twitter.com/2kfMnTUeRX

— PETA (@peta) May 19, 2020

The guide encourages players not to fish, dig for clams, or capture insects on their islands (which is a pretty big chunk of the gameplay, TBH.) They continue, “It’s disappointing that a game in which villagers from all different species (from elephants and ducks to deer and pigs) coexist harmoniously with humans encourages abusive behavior toward fish and insects. Instead of being recognized as the living, breathing, feeling individuals they are, they’re presented as forms of entertainment for the other villagers. Your island should be a safe space for all animals, big and small.”

The cringe-inducing blog post adds real world details on the dangers of over-fishing and various threats to wildlife. And I get it, I really do. But this is A VIDEO GAME. These are FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.

(image: Miramax Pictures)

None of the fishing/selling/living we do within Animal Crossing has any bearing on the real world, aside from entertaining and distracting us from the apocalyptic hellscape just outside our door. The post continues, advising players to dress their avatars in plant-based clothes, and discourages them from building a dog house because cruelty.

They even touch on raccoon tycoon Tom Nook, saying that while he might be exploiting you, his brethren frequently suffer from anal electrocution so CUT HIM SOME SLACK.

And look, I know PETA’s whole deal is outrageous acts to garner press for their cause. And mission accomplished, I guess. But there are real world animal atrocities happening constantly that are more newsworthy than organizing a virtual flash mob at Blathers’ museum. Like the massive culling of animals in light of the pandemic. Or the Chinese wet markets that birthed the coronavirus.

Unless the Nintendo cartridges for Animal Crossing: New Horizons are made from finely ground narwhal tusks, PETA can shut up already and do something useful with their time. I mean, come on guys.

(via PETA, image: Nintendo)

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