Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s press dinner was a real stinker. How big was it? It was a bigger stinker than the QAnon-themed action flick The Sound of Freedom, but maybe not as big and stinky as the billionaire summer camp where all the CEOs are toasting cans of Celsius while laughing off the needs of the laborers whose work lines their pockets. RFK Jr’s dinner was vile. It was rancid. It was putrid. Why?
Because someone ripped a big one.
The cheese was cut. The wind was broken. The cheeks squeaked. The tush trumpet was tooted. The bottom was blasted. The fanny was fluted. The booty bomb was blasted. The rump roared. The butt burped. The ass asked the question. Someone farted.
This is the first time that I’ve heard of a butt trumpet player actually making headlines. The Huffington Post reported that an unknown man made a “gaseous move” after a particularly “ridiculous” moment at RFK Jr.’s press dinner. Who was this man? As the old saying goes, he who smelt it, dealt it. But that’s just hearsay. Any of those in attendance who denied it could have supplied it. If the adage “he who made the rhyme made the crime” is to be believed, I myself could be a suspect.
Shockingly enough, the ass blast was not the most ridiculous thing that happened at RFK’s dinner party. How could it be? After all, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is an outspoken anti-vaxxer, a point of view that is ridiculous enough as is. I’m sure that there were plenty of other anti-vaxxers in attendance, along with climate change deniers, chem-trail enthusiasts, and a table reserved exclusively for flat earthers.
And lo and behold! The climate change deniers were the ones who caused the problem. According to The Huffington Post, a “shouting match” over climate change erupted after RFK’s 2024 presidential campaign dinner. To punctuate the discussion, a guest in attendance decided to supply the room with a little “climate change” of their own. The dangers of methane gas were never made clearer.
But who supplied the noise before the noise? One of the offenders was Art critic Anthony Haden-Guest, who recently hosted a “dress rehearsal” for his own funeral. Haden-Guest called event host Doug Dechert a “miserable blob,” who is both “insignificant” and “fucking insane” for his statement that climate change is a “hoax.” Doug Dechert’s rebuttal consisted of a tootle from his bootle.
Yes, it was Doug Dechert, a former gossip columnist, who ended up supplying the fart. Even after retiring, the man still knows how to fill up the tabloids.
“I apologize for using my flatulence as a medium of public commentary in your presence,” Dechert said to Page Six. He justified the weaponization of his flatulence by explaining that he had “zero tolerance for the climate hoax scam nonsense in any venue that I am personally funding.” Evidently he uses farts as a last resort during heated debates. And perhaps as a smoke screen that allows him to escape? Like a squid releasing ink to flee from a danger?
According to reports, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “watched calmly” during the debacle. Just breathing it all in.
(featured image: John Lamparski, Getty Images)
Published: Jul 14, 2023 05:41 pm