Stacey Dash & Sofia Vergara’s Gross Ex Are Making a “Secret” Anti-Abortion Movie About Roe v. Wade

When a news app notification popped up on my phone earlier announcing a “secret pro-life movie” titled Roe v. Wade, starring Stacey Dash, Jon Voight, and “Sofia Vergara’s ex,” it felt like I was suffering a Mad-Libs-inspired aneurysm.

Here’s the God’s Not Dead-style romcom my brain immediately started scripting:

We open on a split-screen of Congresswoman Stacey Dash and Planned Parenthood’s handsome Dr. Roe–Wade Roe, obviously. Their meet-cute happens outside a clinic where she’s protesting and the power of her sign displaying a horrific photoshopped image of an aborted fetus convinces him to realize the error of his ways and stop providing women with constitutionally protected legal and safe abortions. Their big kiss happens as a television in the background shows Trump announcing his new vehemently anti-choice pick for the Supreme Court.

Fade out.

Unfortunately, this is an actual movie that is happening and while it will most definitely be cheesy and terrible, the people involved seem to be taking it very seriously. It will be a period piece set around the landmark abortion rights SCOTUS case Roe v. Wade, told from an anti-choice POV.

Stacey Dash, of Clueless, Fox News, and general terribleness fame, will play the real-life woman Mildred Fay Jefferson. Jefferson was the first black woman to graduate from Harvard Medical School, the first woman to graduate in surgery from the school, and the first woman to become a member of the Boston Surgical Society. She was staunchly anti-choice, and co-founded the National Right to Life Committee.

According to THR, Jon Voight and Robert Davi, two outspoken conservatives, are playing Supreme Court Justices. Other justices will be played by Psych’s conservative Christian actor Corbin Bernsen, John Schneider, who served jail time for neglecting to pay child support, Steve Guttenberg (really?), William Forsythe, Wade Williams. and Richard Portnow.

Production has reportedly suffered from people’s overwhelming and unsurprising unwillingness to be associated with the film. One unnamed actress reportedly campaigned hard for the role of Norma McCorvey–known by the legal pseudonym of Jane Roe–but quit when she learned the movie about this iconic legal decision would take an anti-Roe stance. Cast members have walked away and a costumer resigned. They can’t find shooting locations, being denied access to film at Louisiana State University, and being shut down after a day shooting at Tulane University after the campus newspaper ran an article about the nature of the film. The crew rented out a local synagogue as their base camp for catering and extras, which soon after locked them out.

Even the film’s director resigned, leaving Nick Loeb to take the job (along with Cathy Allen). Loeb is also producing and playing Dr. Bernard Nathanson, co-founder of NARAL (who will presumably be depicted as the movie’s villain). You likely don’t know Loeb from anything except being Sofia Vergara’s gross ex-boyfriend who tried to hold their embryos hostage after she announced her engagement to Joe Manganiello. Because he really seems bent on using attacks on reproductive rights as a money-making enterprise.

Here’s my favorite part of the THR article about this movie:

As Nick Loeb walked to his car with a production assistant during a day of shooting his upcoming feature film, Roe v. Wade, outside Tulane University last week, a woman wearing a headset approached and asked: “Are you the director?”

“When I told her I was, she told me to go fuck myself,” Loeb recalls. “Then she threw her headset on the ground and walked off. I found out later she was our electrician.”

Anecdotes such as this have become fairly common since Loeb and his production partner, Cathy Allyn, began shooting their pro-life feature film June 15 in and around New Orleans.

This movie sounds like a garbage fire and I can’t wait to never watch it.

(via THR, image: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for FOX)

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