We Finally Know Who Won Real Life ‘Succession’

Rupert Murdoch, a man who has made everyone’s lives on this forsaken rock hurtling around the sun worse off in numerous ways, announced today he’s retiring at the ripe old age of 92 and stepping down from his leadership position as Chairman of Fox Corp. and News Corp. Uh, good luck to him and all that. I guess.

That’s not why we’re here today, though. We’re here because in this world that Murdoch has ruined with his atrocious conservative views that have rotted the public discourse and devolved things that should not be up for debate, like the factual evidence of climate change, being turned into soul-crushing “culture wars,” sometimes all I’ve had to hold on to is pop culture. Which means as soon as I saw the alert pop up about Murdoch stepping down, all I could think was “Who finally won a kiss from Daddy?”

I am, of course, referencing the widely held belief that Murdoch’s media empire and the ensuing infighting for control of it once he steps down is the basis for the HBO TV show Succession. The “kiss from Daddy” references this hilarious video from comedian Demi Adejuyigbe singing over the show’s theme song:

Well, we have the answer: it’s Lachlan Murdoch, whose show counterpart is Kendall Roy. Congratulations Lachlan! You can be a second-generation Murdoch who continues to make this world a much worse place to live. Enjoy being a captain of industry, you didn’t earn it, but hey you were born into it, and that’s good enough for Daddy and the board, I suppose.

Here’s more details on the change for Kendall Roy, Daddy’s bestest boy, sorry, Lachlan Murdoch, via the The New York Times

To wit, the younger Murdoch’s titles — executive chairman and chief executive — remain effectively unchanged, barring the small tweak of losing the “co-” he once shared with his father, who maintained similar titles until Thursday morning.

[…]

There was no precipitating event for the announcement, beyond that obvious fact that even the healthiest 92-year-old is in his twilight years.

LOL. Even the paper of record can’t help but getting their digs in for Rupert. Can you blame them? That guy is the worst.

If any of this sounds familiar, that’s because being “co” leaders was a major plot point for the final season of Succession for Roy brothers Roman and Kendall. Obviously, this is an art-imitating-life situation, since the Murdochs have been in “co” leadership positions since 2014.

It’s not all sunshine and roses for Lachlan, though. This could be a very short-lived tenure. The New York Times continues:

Under the terms of the family trust that controls the family’s stake in the empire, each of Mr. Murdoch’s four eldest children — Lachlan Murdoch, Elisabeth Murdoch, James Murdoch and Prudence Murdoch — will have an equal vote on its future following his death; until then, Mr. Murdoch holds the controlling vote.

Yes, that’s right, there’s still time for Shiv’s real-life counterpart, Elisabeth, to knife her brother, so don’t count any of the other Murdoch children out, yet. Even the Connor of the family, Prudence, could be in play. Until then, hateful congrats to Lachlan. He won Succession. At least for now.

(Featured Image: HBO)