Sailor Moon Newbie Recaps: Episodes 11 and 12

Welcome to Sailor Moon newbie recaps, The One Where They Go To a Theme Park, and The One Where They Go On a Cruise.

Usagi vs. Rei: Nightmare in Dream Land

After the episode does its due diligence in reminding the audience that the Sailor Senshi are nominally also supposed to be looking for the Moon Princess, we get right down to business: Usagi and Rei are like oil and a substance that thinks oil is a lazy, good-for-nothing dumbass. I mean, we get right down to business: fifty guests of the Dream Land theme park have gone missing, and that smells like the Dark Kingdom.

Meanwhile, in the Dark Kingdom, Queen Beryl expresses her skepticism that Jadeite, who’s failed consistently to thwart a mere one Sailor Senshi, can possibly stack up against three. He says his theme park plan to trap all three senshi can’t be beat. I bet Jadeite and Starscream talk a lot on Facebook. Hey, Jadeite, I’ve got an idea: four youma. One extra one for Tuxedo Mask.

I mean, no, go with building an entire theme park castle, I’m sure that’ll be worth the effort.

Investigations at the theme park are super fun but not very productive, until the senshi run into Princess Bubblegum Princess Dream and her host of artificially-created intelligent minions.

Ok, those baby boars are dang cute, though.

Princess Dream gives Rei the heebie jeebies, so the Princess bustles off to delight children with her animatronic menagerie after inviting the Senshi to a special show an hour later at the House of Sweets, the not-at-all-a-trap candy castle at the center of the park. Luna decides that they should split the party, with her and Ami together and Usagi and Rei doing their own patrol. This works great.

Wait, I just checked my notes, this does not work great. They cause a scene by arguing over whether it’s safe for kids to ride Princess Dream’s robot bear, and then Usagi convinces Rei that the best way to complete their patrol is to ride the kiddie train around the park. This seems implausible, but I don’t care because they bump into Mamoru who is also hunched over riding the tiny kiddie train. Instead of bursting into tears or running away after he insults her, Usagi slams him about how weird it is for a grown man to be riding the kiddie train.

You’re just mad because she has a point, Mamoru.

“Don’t you think he looks kind of like Tuxedo Mask?” asks Rei. “TUXEDO MASK COULD NEVER BE A JERK LIKE HIM” answers Usagi. I’m not gonna lie, Sailor Moon, I could stand for you to be a LOT more meta than this, but I still enjoy this little nugget for what it is. Their hour up, Rei and Usagi meet Luna at the Candy Kingdom House of Sweets, only to find that Ami has already gone in to look for clues, and the doors were locked behind the crowd. Rei has a very bad feeling about this.

As well she should, because inside, Princess Dream gasses everybody with her magic hallucinogen breath and then steals their energy with her cursed apple, putting Ami into an enchanted sleep. Time for her friends to suit up and blast down that door with a Fire Soul, just after they stop yelling at each other for being over emotional/not emotional enough. Through the door, Sailor Mars, Sailor Moon, and Luna are met by Princess Dream, who tries to trap them in an illusion, where an illusory snakebite nearly turns Rei to stone (averted by her o-fuda). But this boss battle has two stages, and Princess Dream reveals her youma form: Moorido. She does this by, well…

aaaaa

aaaaAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA.

Then she throws them right back into a much more successful illusion: a world in which Tuxedo Mask is an approachable human being. But before Moorido can steal their energy, they are rescued by the real Tuxedo Mask. Unable to resist Moorido’s illusions, Moon, Mars, and Luna flee for their lives, because Tuxedo Mask has already left, presumably to go ride the carousel. Fortunately, they flee right into an awakening Ami, and a quick combination of all of their special moves disintegrates Moorido and the House of Sweets.  Sweet, sweet, status quo. And ice cream! And bickering.

I Want a Boyfriend: The Luxury Cruise Ship Is a Trap

Is it lesbianism?

We begin with the Dark Kingdom, where Jadeite is approached by the youma Tetiz. She’s got something of a crush on him, and I guess has heard about how Queen Beryl has been busting his chops lately, so she offers him bogarting rights on her own evil plan: steal the energy of young lovers by luring them onto a fake dinner cruise. This is particularly amusing to me, because I’ve been on a couple of dinner cruises myself (usually as part of an end-of-year or marching band trip package) and they are boring as shit. Hey, middle school Susana, would you like to go to a school dance that you can’t leave for at least three hours? Yeah, no.

Hey, Usagi, would you like to —

Okay, fair.

Umino, like always, has the useful exposition: the Juban shopping district is giving out tickets to the cruise as a lottery prize. With typical luck, our hero wins a lot of packs of tissues, but no tickets. But then Usagi runs into Rei, who says that as Sailor Senshi they totally don’t have time to waste on silly cruises, be more responsible, Usagi. Then she uses her magical powers to cheat the machine and win the tickets. Unfortunately for Usagi, she still doesn’t want to share: Rei says she can easily get a date for the couples cruise. THERE YOU ARE AMI JUST IN TIME, she says next, dragging her off to a cafe and leaving Usagi alone.

Rei, of course, is asking Ami to go with her on the cruise because she doesn’t have any hopes of getting a date but she wants to keep Usagi from going/not have to admit to Usagi that she can’t get a date. “I’m not interested in romance, remember,” says Ami, “we established this a couple episodes ago.” Rei’s honest to god response: Being on a boat will be educational. Ami buys it. Usagi, concealed by the innate powers of any anime character to overhear the most drama-inducing secrets their friends are saying behind their back, overhears everything, and resolves to get on the ship her own way. By abusing her magical powers! That evening, much to Luna’s dismay, Usagi uses her disguise pen to make herself look like a grown up photographer, and she flimflams her way on board.

Meanwhile, Rei and Ami just board with the crowd. Earlier in the episode, Umino says he couldn’t go on the cruise because he’s underage, that he’d need a parent or guardian to take him. Is Rei of legal age? I just assumed she was the same age as Usagi and Ami, but “homeschooled” or whatever the equivalent is when you drop out of school to be a fortuneteller at your grandfather’s shrine.

Jadeite: I dyed my hair black and got a tan. Tetiz: I wore my dad’s uniform.
Both: WE ARE BEST AT DISGUISES.

Please. “I’m on a Boat” jokes are too easy. Wandering around the decks, Ami notes that she and Rei are the only two girls on the boat who are here by themselves. Everyone else is in a couple. Now, if this was an episode of Revolutionary Girl Utena, I’d be starting my femslash engines, but this is Sailor Moon, so this is actually a plot point and not the beginning of an unhealthy relationship that’s a metaphor for growing up/the end of the universe.

I’m only a little disappointed.

Usagi nearly gets caught by Jadeite in the “engine room,” but he finds something puzzling about her and totally buys her story of being a press photographer who was separated from her group. Even stuffed inside a photography bag, Luna can sense his evil aura. Typically, Usagi is just straight crushing on him. Before Jadeite can figure out the weird vibes he’s getting from being in the presence of Sailor Moon, and before Usagi can seal the deal, Tetiz shows up and collects him to start their evil plan. With Luna alerted to the presence of Dark Kingdom agents on the ship, she and Usagi observe said evil plan.

The plan consists of gathering all the couples on the dance floor/auditorium, hypnotizing them, and stealing their energy. Pretty straightforward. Except Ami and Rei don’t fall unconscious because Tetiz had her energy sucking powers switched to the “couples only” setting. To mask their incompetency, the bad guys start bashing Ami and Rei for being single.

For heaven’s sake, don’t be so heteronormative, Jadeite.

Then they summon goo monsters and Rei just CUTS ONE IN HALF WITH A FOLDING CHAIR BECAUSE SHE’S AWESOME. Of course, they’re goo monsters, so they just reform. “We can’t transform out in the open like this,” says Ami, despite the fact that, like, they transform in front of monsters and in open spaces all the time. In fact, both Rei and Ami did their first transformations with youma around. Looks like they’re gonna need Sailor Moon.

With Usagi taking her fight with Tetiz outside (where Tetiz’s waterbending powers really come to the fore), Ami and Rei are free to transform, and the one-two-three punch of Bubble Spray, Fire Soul, and Moon Tiara Action make quick work of the youma. “I underestimated you, girls,” says Jadeite, “This ends now!” But then instead of unleashing a devastating attack, he…

Leaves.

Back in the Dark Kingdom, Queen Beryl’s pretty pissed that he took her pet youma out without asking, and that’s even leaving aside how she was destroyed by the Sailor Senshi again. “But moooom, it was Tetiz’s ideeeaaaaaa,” responds Jadeite like the whiny baby he is.

Now go to your room, young man.

Without Tetiz’s power, the lovely cruise ship is revealed to have been a broken down rust bucket all along, and all the party goers are rescued by harbor patrol.

Moon Prism Power Wrap Up!

I’m enjoying the dynamic between our characters now that the show has more than a couple personalities to bounce off one another, but I’m worried about how long that will last. I liked the change-up between these two episodes, where one focuses hard on the enmity between Usagi and Rei, while the other uses it for plot generation but then gives us lots of Ami and Rei. Usagi and Ami make a cute team, but Rei throws some necessary conflict into the mix.

Ironic, because Rei and Usagi have much more in common with each other than they do with Ami, so far: they’re both highlighted as having a dominating interest in boys and as being somewhat uncouth in their manners, particularly around eating and interacting with adults. The difference is that with Usagi, these traits are rooted in her lack of self-confidence and self-control, where she’s focused on being wanted, indulging her momentary desires, and being too lazy for social protocol. Rei’s traits are rooted in her confidence and pride, where she’s focused on getting the guy she wants, indulging in what she feels she deserves, and speaking up for herself.

That said, characters who fight each other constantly but can’t actually stop hanging out with each other (or will inevitably make up) because of the obvious demands of the plot is one of my biggest pet peeves, so we’ll see which comes first: the show depending less on Usagi/Rei bickering, or my loss of patience for the relationship.

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