How to Avoid Becoming a Spinster in 1938: Never Let Them See You “Makeup”

Ladies, did you know it was unbecoming to talk about clothes around a man on a date? The key to getting a fella to put a ring on it in decades past was all about keeping your emotions, lady secrets, and basically any indication of a personality or individual humanity at bay (and also sitting properly). Unless you want to be left single and alone, with no one to love you. And in the late 1930s, you didn’t want to be “That Woman.” Retronaut unearthed this magazine editorial from 1938, which gives single women dating tips that will render her completely robotic — but probably married! Hooray!

Whatever you do, do not touch your date in public. Guys hate that! They would prefer that all touching can be done in private, so they can lie about their sexual prowess at a later time.

And remember: Men love to dance! So none of your petty lady chatter to distract your date from dancing. But also remember: no touching. Leave space for the Holy Ghost!

When sitting, please keep all hands and legs inside at all times until the date comes to a complete stop.

Don’t talk about your clothes — talk about his clothes! Or, you know, just don’t talk at all. Remain seated in awkward silence until someone sneeze, politely bless them — don’t be all sentimental about it — and then wait for someone to flag down a waiter for the check.

And don’t get drunk. You’ll need to be sober for when he’s drunk. He won’t even notice that you got all “pushy” and drove him home!

Make sure you look like everyone else, so in case that cad looks at other women on your date, he can just say he was confused!

Now, aren’t you glad this woman came along?

(via Retronaut)