‘Tears of the Kingdom’ Players Are Mad With Power, Torturing Innocent Koroks

It wouldn’t be a Zelda game if the overworld didn’t have a quirky recurring bit, and in the case of Tears of the Kingdom, perhaps the quirkiest recurring bit is the curious case of the Many Koroks Who Cannot Find Their Friend. These Koroks just packed way too much on their poor little backs and are much too tired to reach their friends, who are often only a short distance away, waiting by a campfire.

Initially, it’s a pretty cute feature, but after seeing these guys literally everywhere I went, I started to ignore them. And here I thought I was being THE biggest jerk of a Zelda player by doing so. Apparently, though, other players are getting a little … draconian with how they interact with these little guys.

The thing is, you can use your new Zonai powers on these Koroks, as you’re able to fuse them to other fuse-able objects. For the kindhearted among us, this might include fusing them to a car, or to a horse-drawn buggy, so the Korok can be comfortable on its journey.

For everyone else? This is just another way of taking your Sim’s swimming pool ladder out of the pool while they’re still in it. In other words, video game torture is back in action, baby:

Good lord. Surely it can’t get worse than tha—

Oh … oh my …

I never thought I’d have to write this sentence outside of a history class again. But. People are really seeming to enjoy the crucifixions most of all:

And the thing is, folks, it just keeps going from here. We’ve got Korok-burning devices on the backs of wagons. We’ve got Korok grinders. We’ve got Korok bombs. If I kept sharing videos, The Mary Sue would officially have to be considered a website that shares snuff films. These little guys are really going through it.

But I guess I should have been expecting this. As long as there have been video games, there’s been gamers who’ve tested just how far they can take absurd acts of cartoonish violence. Even Matt Groening, upon playing the demo of The Simpsons Hit & Run, immediately went to kick Marge, over and over, in the opening section of the game. That’s like the first thing he did. Just went over and kicked her. Matter of fact, he kicked her all the way down to the Kwik-E-Mart, a process that took 20 minutes.

I must say, it sure isn’t how I enjoy playing video games. But uh, you know what? You do you, Zelda players. You do you.

At the very least, this gave me a good laugh:

(featured image: Nintendo)