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Big on the Internet

Ted Cruz Blames Mysterious Staffer for Liking a Porn Tweet on His Personal Account

Somewhat NSFW, but mostly unsafe for your peace of mind.
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Kaila Hale-Stern
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Published: Sep 13, 2017 08:25 am

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After the Internet giddily erupted over Ted Cruz’s Twitter account hearting pornography, the uber-Conservative Senator and owner of the saddest sad face in the world says it wasn’t him.

According to the Daily Beast, Cruz’s response for reporters went like this:

“There are a number of people on the team that have access to the account, and it appears that someone inadvertently hit the like button,” he said, noting that the issue will be dealt with internally, but was not malicious. “It was a staffing issue, and it was inadvertent. It was a mistake, it was not a deliberate action.” The action sparked an internet firestorm lasting well into late morning Tuesday. Cruz jokingly added, “Perhaps we should have done something like this during the Indiana primary.”

LOL! What a funny joke from a gremlin who has built a career on attempting to legislate people’s personal lives and bodies. Predictably, Twitter’s reaction to the politico porn “like” was a thing of beauty.

I could post tweets in this delicious vein pretty much forever, because Ted Cruz is terrible and the Internet is rightfully delighting in the situation. To be clear, I couldn’t care less about Ted Cruz—or some mystery anonymous staffer (who maybe lives in Canada?)—watching porn. Porn is just fine.

No, Ted Cruz deserves to be roasted because he is a sanctimonious hypocrite who passes himself off as a “family values” politician who would call out any colleague found in this position. Ted Cruz is a man who forwarded his career on denying the rights of others to seek sexual pleasure. He once argued that human beings did not have “due process” to masturbate and fought for the banning of “obscene devices,” a.k.a. sex toys.

The Mercury Star lays out Cruz’s past history on the subject:

[Cruz] once legally argued that people don’t have a “due process” right to masturbate, Vanity Fair reported in April 2016.

That is, people don’t have the right to “stimulate” their own genitals for “non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”

Cruz, or his legal team when he was solicitor general of Texas, made this argument in a 76-page legal brief defending the Lone Star State’s ban on the sale of sex toys.

[…] In the brief, Cruz argued that banning obscene devices was in the public interest, and the government should be granted “police powers” for the purposes of “discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors.”

Furthermore, using obscene devices, the state argued, was akin to “hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy.”

Whether the porn liker is Ted Cruz or someone on Ted Cruz’s staff who wanted to work for a man who proudly does things like tell people they can’t masturbate except for procreative purposes, there’s massive hypocrisy at the rotten heart of the bad ship Cruz.

I can’t say that I’m surprised—it’s generally the grimacing repressed oppressive creepy types who end up being secretly into the very actions they rail against. I mean, has anyone ever thought more deeply about the act of genital stimulation than Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz?

Now please excuse me while I bathe my brain in bleach to forget that this whole thing ever happened.

(via The Daily Beast, image: screengrab)

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Image of Kaila Hale-Stern
Kaila Hale-Stern
Kaila Hale-Stern (she/her) is a content director, editor, and writer who has been working in digital media for more than fifteen years. She started at TMS in 2016. She loves to write about TV—especially science fiction, fantasy, and mystery shows—and movies, with an emphasis on Marvel. Talk to her about fandom, queer representation, and Captain Kirk. Kaila has written for io9, Gizmodo, New York Magazine, The Awl, Wired, Cosmopolitan, and once published a Harlequin novel you'll never find.
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