ted cruz looks across a collage at a smiling ron perlman
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Twitter Feud Between Ron Perlman and Ted Cruz Continues to Get Weirder

It's only Monday.
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Jessica Mason
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Published: Jun 15, 2020 04:55 pm

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We’re dealing with an unprecedented news cycle full of real issues and incredible change. So of course grown men, one of whom is a sitting US Senator, are bickering on Twitter about who could win in a fight? Sure. Why not. Throw in some murder hornets and we’ll be at peak 2020.

As you may remember from the ancient era of …. oh, last Saturday, legendary Hellboy actor Ron Perlman got into it a bit with sentient sawdust pile, and US Congressman, Matt Gaetz. It was incredibly fun to watch Perlman and the rest of Twitter completely destroy Gaetz for being both a racist jerk and a terrible person who doesn’t know how acting works. But they weren’t done.

Perlman finally shut Gaetz up with this tweet.

Now, yes, it’s very silly for anyone to make fun of Matt Gaetz’ looks, especially when there are so many more other things to ridicule him for. But Perlman calling Gaetz and Congressman Jim Jordan ugly? Well, that’s too far! And this all just kept getting weirder as Gaetz bowed out and called in the big guns … Uh, Ted Cruz?

Yes, Texas Senator and totally not the Zodiac killer Cruz wanted Perlman to pick on someone his own size. Not him. obviously, that would be suicide. No, he wants Ron Perlman to wrestle Jim Jordan. That’s the guy Perlman called ugly and the same Jim Jordan who has been accused of ignoring and covering up sexual abuse while he was a wrestling coach at Ohio State University.

First off, can’t you just hear every word of these tweet’s in Perlman’s voice? I know I can!

But also, don’t bring Jim Jordan and his awfulness to a Hellboy fight.

Cruz, terrified I assume, resorted to the oldest and dumbest insults: calling Rob Perlman weak and girly. Perlman seemed up for taking that bait though?

Men are ridiculous and exhausting.

Now, Cruz has yet to accept the offer to physically fight another man to defend the Twitter honor of two other talking jars of mayonnaise parading around as congressmen. And Jim Jordan has not himself weighed in on his bud Ted offering him up as a blood sacrifice to the gods of toxic masculinity, but hey, there’s another actor whose most iconic comic book role saw him shirtless and covered in makeup who would be happy to kick Jim Jordan’s ass…

So, tune in tomorrow when I’m sure we’ll have the details of how and when various intimidating comic book movie actors will be pounding uninformed members of Congress and. I hope Mark Ruffalo threatens to slap Mitch McConnell! Anything is plausible at this point!

(image: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images; Flickr)

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Image of Jessica Mason
Jessica Mason
Jessica Mason (she/her) is a writer based in Portland, Oregon with a focus on fandom, queer representation, and amazing women in film and television. She's a trained lawyer and opera singer as well as a mom and author.
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