The ‘Daily Mail’ now thinks that sandwich fillings are ‘woke’

Welcome to Britain. It’s cold and depressing right now and half-melted snow is covering everything. Yet far, far worse than the bad weather is the existence of the Daily Mail.

This “newspaper” (the quotation marks are needed, believe me) is our equivalent of Fox News, friends across the pond. It provides our parents and grandparents with a constant stream of hate, lies, and bigotry that sadly proves impossible to remove from their heads. I’m sure you’ve been there. Anyway, the Daily Mail (sometimes known as the “Daily Fail” or the “Daily Heil”) has recently announced it thinks certain sandwich fillings are “woke.”

Sandwich fillings. The “article” (yep, more quotation marks) is right here. I fear that if I actually read it my eyes would burn out of my head from the stupidity, but I’ll take that risk for you.

The headline claims that “Gen Z are waging war on our sandwiches,” because young British people “are ditching English classics like ham and mustard in favor of fancy woke fillings.” It also claims that “avocado, olives and continental cheese” are “exotic” and “fancy.”

The Daily Mail has a bit of a thing about avocado. In 2019, it claimed that the fruit was linked to “human rights abuses, drought, and murder,” to attack one of its favorite punching bags, Meghan Markle, after she committed the heinous sin of serving avocado toast to a friend. The Daily Mail tends to be pro-human rights abuses when said humans are transgender or migrants, so their intentions are clear. Meghan Markle has left the country to start a new life and I don’t blame her one bit. But I digress.

What exactly makes these particular foods “fancy” or “woke”? Well, the Daily Mail does not deign to tell us, beyond saying that Gen Z prefers sandwiches that have “exotic ingredients.” By “exotic” I assume they mean anything with more taste to it than mayonnaise.

The “article” is a result of a survey of sandwich favorites done by bread company Allinson’s, and, bless ’em, I doubt they expected the results to be used as more fuel in the Mail’s pointless culture wars. “Regardless of what fillings we put inside, how we choose to serve or slice them, the humble sandwich has been a mealtime mainstay for centuries—and will be for centuries to come,” an Allinson’s spokesperson said. Alas, the Daily Mail has made me much less likely to buy an Allinson’s product ever again. And I was just thinking of taking up baking, too. Ah well.

People are roasting the “woke sandwiches” article all over social media, even on Elon Musk’s X, formerly known as Twitter. One user wrote “They really are fucking idiots aren’t they?” while another posted “WOKE SANDWICHES. The Daily Mail are fucking preposterous.”

One other user summed it up perfectly: “In the history of wild Daily Mail headlines this has to be among the worst. Imagine having to try and generate anger against young people because they like different things in their, checks notes, sandwiches. Even worse is getting angry at it.”

The Daily Mail is utterly obsessed with everything “woke.” Last year, they even released a “Woke List” which featured such notably “woke” figures as the Archbishop of Canterbury. Most of the people on the list did nothing more than suggest maybe we should be nicer to refugees … but the Daily Mail, being the ranting and raving pathetic bunch that they are, won’t have that. Maybe they should eat some avocado toast to calm down.