‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ soft swinging isn’t the LDS Church’s biggest scandal

The women at the center of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives are supposedly so “scandalous” that they have their own reality show, and the LDS Church has tried to distance itself from them, but what did they actually do?

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is a new Hulu docuseries that centers on a group of eight Mormon “MomTok” influencers, including Jennifer Affleck, Taylor Frankie Paul, and Whitney Leavitt. These women rose to fame to fame on TikTok after they started sharing dance and lip-syncing videos on TikTok. Many were intrigued by the influencers because not all of them demonstrated the traditional lifestyle and gender roles many associate with Mormon culture. As the show explored, some of these women contemplated doing sex toy brand deals while some have received plastic surgery. They proved that Mormon mothers and wives have lives outside of caring for children and their homes.

However, the thing that actually brought these influencers to widespread fame was the “swinging” scandal. The scandal brought them to the forefront of TikTok and has led to the LDS Church and many of its followers adamantly claiming that these women don’t represent them. Not everyone is familiar with the concept of swinging, though, leaving some perplexed about the scandal.

What is soft-swinging?

The scandal broke when Paul announced her divorce on the internet. She was scrutinized when a rumor arose that the divorce had happened because she was involved with her friend’s husband. Since she was being accused of cheating and stealing someone’s husband, she wanted to clarify that the situation was more nuanced than that. During a live stream, she explained that the full group of influencers had participated in “soft swinging.” She wanted viewers to know that “no one was innocent” and all were involved in the swinging.

Taylor said, “Everyone had hooked up with everyone.” However, the problem arose when she and another member of the group developed feelings for each other and broke the group’s rules. While she cleared up the cheating rumors, she failed to predict that the internet would take a deep interest in the swinging revelation. Part of the interest was because not many people knew what swinging was, which may have added to its framing as “taboo.” Swinging is essentially a form of non-monogamy in which people in a relationship agree to have romantic or intimate activities with people other than their partner.

It’s different from infidelity because all people involved are aware and consenting. Meanwhile, it’s different from polygamy because the people involved will often still have an exclusive partner or spouse rather than multiple spouses/partners, and their involvement with other people is limited to just a sexual relationship. Ultimately, it’s not much different from having an “open relationship.” Part of the confusion around the women in The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is that they called what they were doing “soft swinging.” While swinging is a sexual practice that has been known for decades, there’s no official definition for “soft swinging.”

In her live stream, Taylor explained that, to her and the MomTok influencers, soft swinging meant they didn’t “go all the way.” In other words, they stopped short of having penetrative sex with each others’ partners, although they engaged in foreplay. Given that their interactions weren’t even full-on swinging, non-monogamy, or polygamy, perhaps the reaction was a bit overblown. Based on the reactions of the LDS Church and its followers to The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, part of the reason why it became such a big deal may have been because Mormons didn’t want the practice to be associated with them.

In reality, swinging is not synonymous with the Mormon Church, and its presence in the Church shouldn’t be overblown. However, some ex-Mormons online have claimed that swinging is more prevalent in the Church than it may seem. So, there may be a subset of Mormons who do participate in the practice. Additionally, the swinging should hardly phase most followers, given that the founder of the LDS movement taught and practiced polygamy, and a fundamentalist subset of the church still advocates for practicing polygamy and much worse things, including child marriages.