True Blood Recap: Dead Meat

That…that was one wackadoodle episode of True Blood, AMIRITE? 

So we started off last night with Eric still in shock from the death of Nora. Bill attempts to be sympathetic but says all the wrong things and Eric starts floating in the room like an insane Peter Pan. [Editor’s Note: It was at this point in the show my boyfriend happened to walk in the room and decided to walk right back out again.]

At the vampire facility, Jason is “safe” with lead-prison-lady-vampire, Violet (did I miss it or was this the first episode we actually learned her name?). Jason’s worried about being passed around as sustenance and also being raped. Violet assures him neither of which will happen but that they will have sex one day because this is HBO’s True Blood™. Meanwhile, Jessica and James finally get their alone time interrupted and we find out Pam definitely had sex with the therapist. ames. Over on the men’s side of gen-pop, Steve Newlan makes friends with James who shares the tainted Tru Blood info.

Sookie heads back to faeryland, re-ties Warlow, and feeds him. She fills him in on Bill’s request and he makes an informal proposal. He will help Bill if Sookie will be his vampire/faery bride. Outside, it appears Eric is trying to figure out how to get into faeryland. Sookie heads home to think for a while and finally hears Jason’s message about going to save Jessica but she still has no clue he’s in trouble. She attempts to discuss her issues with Bill but he doesn’t really give a shit about her concerns. She grumbles and leaves to go think some more.

The wolf pack is still at each other’s throats over Alcide lying to them about killing Nicole. Rikki actually goes so far as to challenge him for control and gets support from a few other women in the pack. He beats them all up but. like Rikki predicted, he doesn’t have it in him to kill her. Alcide manages to take Nicole and her mother away and bring them to Merlotte’s. And then Sam proceeds to smell Nicole’s hair in an odd fashin and I wonder, “could Nicole be pregnant? No way, it’s way too soon for that to be a thing.” And then Sam and Alcide have their obligatory chat about Terry being dead.

Speaking of which, Lafayette is busy cooking for the mourning Arlene and finally gets around to telling her about the life insurance policy. Holly’s sons decide to sneak Andy’s remaining faery daughter Adeline out of the house after she gets upset over reading Arlene’s mind. At the funeral home, Arlene and Terry’s family argue over a 21-gun salute at the service. Rightfully so seeing as how Terry was shot. And we finally find out Arlene suspects his military buddy of doing the job.

After a good night’s rest, Sam tells Nicole he loves her. Yeah, I was really happy when Nicole’s mom walked over and was like, “Say what now?” and then called Sam, Silverfox. Luckily Sookie shows up an interrupts this awkward conversation just to create another. She heads into Merlotte’s office and hugs it out with Sam over Terry and then they both hang on a bit too long and then look like they’re gonna make out. WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?  It gets better. She tells Sam about how she can get rid of her faery powers and then tells him she always thought they would end up together. And then he’s like, WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM? And then he’s like, well whatever, this new girl Nicole is pregnant with my baby so I totally don’t want you anymore, Sookie. Probably.

At the vampire facility, Sarah Newlin finds out some of the vamps aren’t drinking the tainted Tru Blood and is determined to find out why. She puts Steve in hamster wheel and threatens him with UV light until he tells all. Pretty soon she starts rounding up any vampire not drinking and puts them in the room from Bill’s vision.

She also has to deal with the Tru Blood spokesperson who isn’t happy about being out of the loop. She demands to see what’s going on behind the secure doors of the bottling portion of the facility and winds up kneeing Sarah in the crotch in order to get past her. When she sees something is being added to the Tru Blood, Sarah tries to snap her neck and fails miserably. What ensued is one of the most ridiculous scenes I’ve ever watched on True Blood. And that’s saying a lot.

A chase begins between the two women, who can’t really run all that fast considering they’re both in stiletto heels. They end up in men’s gen-pop and the spokesperson’s heel gets caught in a grate. Sarah begins slamming the woman’s head into the grate, causing a shark-like frenzy with the vampires below, and finishes the job with the woman’s own shoe. And then of course she thanks God.

Andy’s daughter, technically only like a week old, is about to lose her virginity to one of Holly’s sons when Eric interrupts. He glamours the boys and chases after Adeline to get a taste of her blood. He doesn’t kill her though, and Andy winds up finding her later.

Sookie is still doing some serious thinking about her future and winds up at her parents’ graves. She is still pretty pissed off at them trying to kill her (though it was really only her dad) and decides, screw it, I’ll be a vampire. She leaves Jason a message and let’s him know Terry is dead and also, yeah, where is Niall anyway? She calls Bill to tell him her decision, gets dressed up, and takes him to faeryland. Not sure why she couldn’t just bring Warlow out but whatever. Warlow’s all kinds of messed up and bleeding and Bill puts the blame on Eric.

I wasn’t as concerned with time-wasting storylines this week as I was with convoluted plots. Most of all the Sam/Nicole thing. It’s so forced it hurts, especially now that they’re “in love,” and the fact that Sam could tell she was pregnant like three days after they first had sex is stupid. Then you have Violet and Jason. We’re supposed to assume she’s some big deal just because everyone else at the prison is scared of her but they’ve given us almost no context for that. And now Jason is hers forever? Why? It’s just odd. Something else that made me wonder this episode was when Sookie recalled the time she had a run-in with “Warlow” in her bathroom. And yeah, he seemed pretty evil. Is there something more going on here? Was that not actually Warlow but someone else who really does want to kill Sookie? Thoughts?

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