Yusssssss, Log Lady Fury.
Oh shit, you did not mess with the Log Lady!
Did you miss my recap of the Twin Peaks pilot? Here it is for your reading pleasure! Also a big thanks to TwinPeaksCaptioned.tumblr.com for the captioned screenshots!
Episode 1: “Traces to Nowhere”
We open on Agent Cooper inverted from the Great Northern Hotel’s pipes. A sight to see, to be sure. He records some notes for Diane and I can’t help but think, “I bet Diane hates him.” He settles in for breakfast and is interrupted by Audrey introducing herself. She gives a bit more detail on Laura’s connection to her – she tutored her brother Johnny – and informs him “emotional problems run in my family.”
Meanwhile, back on the case, Sheriff Harry is literally stuffing his face hole with donuts. Dr. Hayward gives him and Agent Cooper the preliminary findings on Laura’s autopsy. Then we cut to Leo (who I’m pretty sure is a different actor than the pilot) informing Shelly in no uncertain terms that she’ll be doing his laundry before she goes to work. But what’s this?! She finds a bloody shirt in the mix! *gasps* She hides it before leaving. We also find out Leo is in cahoots with Bobby and Mike over some drugs. Laura was also involved and the $10,000 in her safety deposit box was meant to pay Leo half of what he was owed. Oops.
James, who I’m sure spent a very comfortable night in jail, now must be questioned by the police. And well, he’s honest with them. Except when it comes to the two-part heart necklace. He said he tried to get Laura to stop doing coke and that the night of her death she jumped off his bike at a red light and never saw her again. Agent Cooper decides he’s not guilty and let’s him go. At Donna’s house, she admits to her mom she and James are all googly-eyed for each other. When Big Ed, James’ uncle, comes to pick him up from the police station, he tells Agent Cooper he thinks his beer was drugged the night of the bar fight. Then Big Ed and… the other police officer who isn’t Andy (honestly, if they named him by this point I must have missed it) do some sort of secret face touch thing. I have no idea. At the same time, Big Ed’s wife, Nadine, and his girlfriend, Norma, run into each other shopping. COTTON BALLS! is a thing I’ll be screaming at people when I want them to stop talking to be from now on.
Agent Cooper and Sheriff Harry go speak with Josie next. You see, Laura was tutoring her in English and relays to them something Laura said: “I think now I understand how you feel about your husband’s death.” And then Peter.
That is NOT one damn fine cup of coffee.
Agent Cooper also lets the Sheriff know at this point that it’s super obvious he and Josie are an item while Josie gets a call from Catherine letting her know the gross amount of money the mill lost for shutting down the day before. After they hang up we see Catherine is having naked time with Benjamin Horn. They plan arson together. That’s so hot.
At the Palmer residence, Donna attempts a visit but Sarah looks at her and see Laura. Awkward. But then Sarah sees…
I… I…
Ronnette’s parents are speaking with the police at the hospital when the office spots a mysterious one-armed man headed to the morgue. Ok sure, let’s just roll with it. Audrey and her dad have an uncomfortable father-daughter chat where she informs him she told the Norwegians about Laura’s murder. Meanwhile, at Bobby’s house, we’ve got an uncomfortable family dinner which escalates to his father slapping him in the face, causing his cigarette to end up in his mom’s meatloaf. That’s just not right no matter which way you look at it. At the R&R, Agent Cooper pokes the Log Lady and well, see top pic. Turns out Norma also has a connection to Laura (who doesn’t really), she helped deliver meals on wheels.
Leo, finding his bloody shirt missing, decides to beat a lesson into Shelly (ugh) while James goes off for a nice family dinner at Donna’s house. Cut to Dr. Jacoby who is chilling out, listening to tapes Laura Palmer made him. She apparently told him about some “mystery man” but ohhhh boy, he’s got the necklace…
Episode 2: “Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer”
Allow me to say first what a joy it was to watch two episodes in a row… except, not watching another two until next week is the worst. Anyway, the Log Lady intros make it all worth it.
This episode opened with a Horn family dinner, which turned out to be the most entertaining off all the family dinners so far. Audrey, mom, dad, and Johnny are sitting in silence when Uncle Jerry makes a triumphant return from France! WITH BAGUETTES!!! BRIE AND BAGUETTES!!!
The bros head off to “One-Eyed Jack’s” casino and cathouse just over the Canadian border and boy are those some snazzy costumes. James and Donna make out on her parent’s couch for a bit and Agent Cooper returns to his hotel room to find a note which reads: “Jackie with one eye.” He then gets a call from Hawk, who finally has a name, who tells him about that one-armed man at the hospital.
Bobby and Mike get themselves into some serious horror movie shit in the woods when Leo and a(nother) mystery man shows up. They were looking to make their drug/money exchange but need to let Leo know about their cash flow problem. Yadda, yadda, yadda, get me my money or you’re dead pretty much.
Nadine, still furiously brainstorming her quiet runner invention, is also pretty furious when Big Ed trails a bunch of oil in the house and steps on her prototypes. Poor, poor, Big Ed. Bobby goes to see Shelley and finds her bruised from Leo’s attack and threatens to kill him. Right. Big talk Bobby. Weren’t you peeing your pants a few hours ago?
Now who’s ready to see some amazing detective work. Raise your hands.
This… I’m not sure what to even say about this except Agent Cooper is both ridiculous and wonderful all rolled into one. Taking advice from the Tibetan people and a dream, he throws rocks at a glass bottle until the rock he dedicated to Leo breaks the bottle. This presumably is meant to mean he’s the guilty one. And poor Andy needs to put in for some workman’s comp.
At the R&R, Donna and her family are sharing a post-church meal when Audrey shows up. Donna decides to say hello but it turns into a larger chat about how Agent Cooper loves coffee (he does??!!) and how Audrey’s father used to sing to Laura. Uhh. Then she starts dancing alone in the middle of the place.
It’s then that FBI Agent Rosenfield and his team show up to police headquarters to help with some of the forensics work. He’s a big ol’ jerk face but Sheriff Harry quickly puts him in his place, which is pretty cool. Nadine is overjoyed for once because the oil Big Ed left on her invention was actually the key to making them 100% silent. Meanwhile, Pete steals a key for a safe for Josie who finds two sets of business ledgers there. Guess this has something to do with Catherine being a terrible human being.
Leland has a bit of a breakdown while dancing to “Pennsylvania 6-5000” by Glenn Miller with a photo of Laura as his partner. :( And then…
and… and… and… so um. Agent Cooper has a rather involved dream which includes this guy and Laura Palmer. And stuff. Ok I’m sorry.
I have a sneaking suspicion this won’t be the last time I use that GIF.
So yeah, the guy with one arm is in there saying “fire walk with me,” Cooper is really old, and the speach was backwards but not? And then of course this guy.
Dude, I think you meant “magic murder bag.”
Agent Cooper wakes suddenly saying “I know who killed Laura Palmer,” but I’m pretty sure someone gave him acid.
Til next week! When I’m sure to be even more wide-eyed and confused!!
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Published: Jan 22, 2015 06:30 pm