What in the God of Pokémon’s Name Is ‘Palworld’?

Like Renaissance artists interpreting the stories of the Bible, Digital Age artists have interpreted the Pokémon universe in a variety of ways. But this time, the world of Pokémon is getting high-calibre rebrand. Fully loaded. Palworld came along and decided to give Pokémon guns.

And I couldn’t be happier.

Pokémon and guns? What could be a more thrilling combination? Rather than being relegated to the sidelines of battle, shouting out commands to my Pokémon like some kind of dog fighting trainer, I can serve alongside my Pokémon in the heat of battle. I get to smell the gunpowder. Hear the sounds of bullets ricochet off of metal and flesh and bone. I get to feel alive. And the best part? My Pokémon will be packing heat, too. That is the Palworld Promise.

Palworld?

Yes, Palworld. A brand new game where players can create a customizable avatar and enter into an open world where Pokémon-esque creatures roam the wild. These creatures are not actually Pokémon, but there are as close to Pokémon as copyright law allows. One look at the many “Pals” of Palworld and you’ll see what I mean:

Adorable candy colored monsters that do all the things that Pokémon do! They fly through the air on membranous wings! Belch fire in the hearts of volcanos! Romp through the grasslands reeking with majesty!

And of course … they do one thing that Pokémon never do. They shoot guns. And you, dear player, can shoot back at them with hand cannons of your own. Arceus may have created Pokémon—I mean Pals—but Sam Colt made ’em equal.

What kind of Poké-things do I get to do in Palworld?

Here’s how it goes: You start the game by creating an anime-style player character and are dropped into the lush tutorial level. After a quick in-game orientation, you’re sent on your merry way to catch Pals. In the tutorial level, you’ll face of against common Pals—the Rattatas of Palworld, if you will. After softening up these Pals with your gun, you’re able to catch them with a Pal Sphere. Once again, Palworld is getting as close to Pokémon as is legally possible. After catching enough Pals, you are then able to establish a base of operations for yourself. A Pal Base. And this is where Palworld diverges from Pokémon in gameplay style.

After you establish your Pal Base, you are then able to use captured Pals to work that base. Essentially Palworld is a survival game not unlike Minecraft. Gather resources in the form of Pals and materials. Bring them back to your base. Build your base bigger and improve your weapons. Go out and get more resources. Rinse and repeat. From early access footage of the game, one can see that these bases can get complicated—so complicated in fact, that I’m pretty sure that they would break a bevy of labor laws.

One clip of the game shows scores of Pals working on industrial assembly lines manufacturing guns. Yes, you can essentially become an arms dealer by using sweatshop animal labor. Your Pals are then able to use these guns in order to defend your base from attacks.

Attacks from whom? Why, poachers of course! The lands of Palworld are inhabited by poachers that attempt to steal away your Pals in true Team Rocket fashion. Thankfully, law enforcement in Palworld is lax, allowing you to shoot first and ask questions later if any no-good poacher tries to wrest your hard earned Pals away. If teaching animals to shoot AK-47s wasn’t gloriously unethical enough, you are even able to capture human enemies in your Pal Sphere and force them to work for you! Sweatshop labor for all! No matter your species! Palworld doesn’t discriminate!

Aside from using what seems to be a Borderlands amount of guns, your Pals are also able to wage war using their own innate abilities. And so the Pokémon cloning continues! Like Pokémon, each Pal is classified as a certain “type.” These types are identical to their Pokémon counterparts. Grass. Ground. Water. Fire. Electric. Dragon. Dark. Ice. And Neutral. True to Pokémon form, certain types are strong and weak against other types. The game simplifies Pokémon’s endless type Rock Paper Scissors by making Pals weak to only one type. But do you know what all pals are weak against? 7.62 x 39mm rounds fired from the red hot muzzle of your factory made Kalishnakov rifle.

What else can I do in Palworld besides murder, kidnapping, and labor abuse?

Lots of things! Judging by the hunger meter evident in gameplay videos, much of your time will be spent gathering food and preparing it! What kind of food can you eat? According to reports on the game, a large portion of your diet can consist of … oh god … Pals.

Moving on.

Don’t want to just sit around and think about the ethical consequences of your actions? You don’t have to! Palworld is vast, and your character will be able to explore lands both near and far with Elden Ring-esque Pal mounts and a Breath of the Wild-style paraglider. You can also force your Pals to work on other projects besides weapons manufacturing! Like public works! There are all sorts of different structures you and your Pals can build, like pyramids! Yes, why not make your Pals build great glittering pyramids in your honor like the Pharaohs of old! There are plenty of other things to do. Explore dungeons. Farm the soil. And breed your Pals to create new Pals in captivity! God this game is making me feel worse and worse … but it’s fictional so it’s cool!

But do you wanna know the cherry on top? Palworld is multiplayer! You and your friends can log on for all sorts of morally dubious open-world shenanigans! Have you been eying your friend’s Pal Base? Betray him and capture it like a warlord of old! Raze his buildings! Salt his fields! Fill the night with the wailing of his Pals! Add to your Pal Empire! All in good fun!

(featured image: Pocket Pair, Inc.)