Fact check: What is the North American Pine Squid?

We got tree-climbing mollusks before Grand Theft Auto 6. What is this world coming to? My Octopus Teacher didn’t teach me that cephalopods could climb trees. How can I ever feel safe on a hike again, knowing I could get inked from above?

Why have I never heard of the North American Pine Squid before?

RIP Charles Darwin, you would have loved it. The North American Pine Squid is a “recently discovered” species of tree-climbing cephalopod that makes its home in the pine-filled forests of North America. The tentacled creature can reach up to 33cm (roughly 13″) in size. According to the internet, it spends most of its time high up in the foliage, using its sucker-covered limbs to latch onto and explore its surroundings.

Except it isn’t real.

Yeah, sorry, the North American Pine Squid is an internet hoax. The video below? Likely made with AI. Just another reason to hate Gen AI, I guess. Why would you promise something so cool and then crush all my hopes? While it’s theorized that cephalopods would have become the dominant species on earth if humans never existed, we’re thousands, perhaps millions of years of evolution away from squids crawling out of the ocean and up trees.

There’s plenty of fictional information on this particular squid, though, slowly spreading across the internet.

For instance, the viral myth says that if you want to get a closer look at this land-locked squid, you’ll have a tough time finding it. Supposedly, like its sea-faring octopus cousins, the North American Pine Squid can camouflage its body depending on its surroundings. It has also been “known” to change colors based on mood, like a chameleon! Red theoretically indicates anger and aggression, while white indicates fear. Apparently, the fictional creature is endangered by the timber industry, and loggers describe the North American Pine Squid as a “nuisance.”

Don’t believe everything you see on the internet, dear reader. Especially now.