This Is What ‘Succession’ Is All About, as Told by the Internet

For the last month or so, nearly everyone I know has been all Succession this, Succession that. I know I have a problem with not keeping up-to-date with most popular shows (I tried with Barry but fell off the wagon), yet Succession was unique in that it brought a lot of different people together. My parents, yes, I expected them to love it. And my coworkers, yes, of course. But I’ve got some very politically active friends who have very strong opinions about rich people, and even they loved Succession.

Will I watch it? Yes, probably, at some point, but for now, I’m enjoying a vicarious experience that keeps things a little mysterious. Here’s what I (think I) know.

There is a family of jerks, with the biggest jerk being the father, Logan Roy. Logan has had a bunch of different wives and is kind of like Mr. Krabs in the sense that all he cares about is the money. Someone told me this show is like Game of Thrones minus the dragons, and you know what? That checks out. Logan sounds like a mix between Tywin Lannister and Robert Baratheon, and I’m sure that will piss absolutely nobody off and I won’t get a single comment about that.

Classic Daddy Issues incoming. There are three kids in the Roy family: the oldest brother, Kendall, who has never done anything wrong in life and is a sex god; the sister, Shiv, who HATES women and is also simultaneously a girlboss; and finally, there’s the youngest son, Roman, who’s 100% babycakes.

In the middle of it all is Tom. Now, I did have my family spoil the ending for me, because I got a very specific text about how the ending made them feel depressed, and I wanted to know how on Earth such a clownish TV show could make them feel sad. From what they told me … yeah, I get it. That’d make me sad, too.

BUT, Tom himself? He’s the most Wet Blanket sort of man to ever exist. He’s ten pounds sopping wet. He’s a worm in a cheap suit. Per The Mary Sue’s Alyssa Shotwell, he’s a “rat bastard” with a strong love for boots—to lick, and do otherwise with. Aside from Tom, there’s many other white people trying to get their foot in the door; the names “Gerri” and “Greg” have been floated around me, but to be honest, as far as I’m concerned, they’re the same person.

When this show first aired, I rolled my eyes at the premise. Boohoo, CEOs, whatever. But over the years, especially recently, it only continued to gain the attention of people in social circles I never thought I’d have to hear about it from. This extends to social media, too. Though I try to keep my feed fairly tailored to my own interests in news and culture, posts about Succession have continued to bleed in.

Like, what the hell does this even mean:

Or, like … does he actually say this?

Like … truly? Well and truly? No, this is a meme … right?

And then there’s this, with this guy, whose name I don’t even know and whom I’ve only seen yell at Tom, yet there’s a comfort in knowing there’s others out there who are just as clueless as I am:

Honestly? More than any innate desire to watch this show, I’m sad that I won’t be able to piece together these memes anymore, because it’s been a gas trying to determine what on Earth makes this show so compelling to people based on my limited understanding of it.

Like, are these businessmen really so babygirl? Is Kendall the sex symbol people on Tumblr make him out to be? Is Shiv milquetoast or actually very cool, or a secret third thing? Is Tom really just the biggest raging bitch with a bootlicking addiction to ever exist? Because if so, this is all incredibly funny, and I love hearing about it.

But I GUESS, now that the show’s over, I’ll just have to watch it myself. Sigh. Another one on the list.

(featured image: Max)