So Elon Musk took to Twitter, as he does, to put up a poll about whether or not he should still be the head of Twitter. He quickly realized that no one likes him because even his bots could not win in a poll and he was voted out. While I don’t want to say many good things about Musk, he does ostensibly stand by the results of these random ass polls he does, so when the Twitter population voted yes, he said that he would leave. … Sort of.
“I will resign as CEO as soon as I find someone foolish enough to take the job!” he wrote on Twitter. “After that, I will just run the software & servers teams.”
Obviously, Twitter has been putting up its own suggestions of who they think should be CEO and while some answers are jokes, there are also some pretty great suggestions because at this point, no one could be worse at the job than Musk has been. So we have some suggestions for who can take over and very likely do a better job than Musk. These are all very serious suggestions, especially the fictional characters. They could do it, we just have to figure out how to make them real first.
16. Beth Dutton
Yellowstone‘s Beth Dutton knows how to run a business. We’ve seen it with her old job and we’re seeing it now as she’s trying to pivot the ranch into something profitable with the cattle that they have. So I think she’d be a great Twitter CEO because she’d figure out a way to run the app, make it profitable, and not make herself into a villain in the process of it like Musk has been attempting to do.
15. Taye Diggs! He already follows everyone!
It’s an honor to be followed by Taye Diggs. The actor currently follows more people than follow him (an extremely uncommon ratio for any degree of celebrity) and it is sort of one of those Twitter things that you just know that eventually, Taye Diggs will find you and follow you. It’s hilarious, and brilliant, and would be cool if the next CEO of Twitter was more like Diggs in that he just wants to see what everyone is up to and have a good time on the social media platform.
14. Florence Pugh and Timothée Chalamet together
This suggestion is simply because we love them! Like Musk, both Chalamet and Pugh have a big following with fans who adore them and their work. Unlike Musk, those fans are not the worst people on the internet! So if the two were the face of Twitter (and literally, just the face of Twitter without really having to be in charge of much), it’d work because we’d listen to them and try and adjust with new policies or at least know that our new suggestions wouldn’t be mocked like they are when Musk hears them.
13. Lynda Carter
Now Carter has already sort of said no to the job, tweeting who she thought should be the next CEO. But still, it’d be great if she took on the job. Wonder Woman being the head of this app? The Nazis that Elon Musk let back on the site wouldn’t stand a chance!
12. Leslie Knope
If you had someone like Leslie leading the charge, there’d be a binder for every possible situation and she’d make sure that whatever issue that arose would be taken care of personally by her. If you reported an account for bullying, you’d get a hand-written apology in the mail before the account was suspended from the site forever. It’d be so nice and peaceful!
11. Sweeney Todd
Look, there’d be a lot of murder going around but the songs would be bangers so it’s a win-lose situation, but it’s better than what we currently have. And people would act accordingly otherwise they might find themselves in Sweeney’s chair and no one wants that for themselves. Maybe just don’t eat the meat pies though.
10. M3GAN
M3GAN can do whatever she wants. If M3GAN wants to run Twitter, you just let her do it. It’d be better than what is currently happening and that’s enough for me. We’d all probably have to dance every day and tell her that she’s our best friend but at least we know we’d be protected from the meanies.
9. Patrick Bateman
Who is your god now? Honestly, this could be any Christian Bale character. At first, I thought it should be Gorr the Godbutcher but then I thought honestly, Patrick Bateman would be better suited for the job. Yes, that man who thinks he murdered a bunch of people would be better at running Twitter than Elon Musk. Mainly because he is a good businessman so minus the maybe murders, he’d be okay!
8. Enola Holmes
Talk about a girl who would get things done and do it right. Enola Holmes would first have to be told what social media is but she’d quickly get the hang of it to the point where things would be going so smoothly, you wouldn’t even bat an eye. She’s just that good!
7. Tom from Myspace
He needs to catch a break. Remember Tom? Everyone’s first friend? Tom from MySpace ran the popular site back before the boom of social media where you could rank your top friends and hurt someone’s feelings all while they were listening to “Ghost of a Good Thing” by Dashboard Confessional playing on your page automatically. He’d probably bring back both of those features but what else is Tom doing these days?
6. Clippy
If he could help us with a word document, he could help make Twitter run better and that’s all I have to say about that.
5. Snoop Dog
So Snoop Dogg has already asked Twitter if he should take on the duties and out of nearly 3.4 million votes, 81% of them voted “yes.” That’s the real true and telling sign of who should go ahead and run the show. Look, would it be chaotic? For sure, but we’d have one hell of a fun time.
4. Nick Miller
This would be the best and most outrageous choice hands down. Because Nick Miller is a mess and he’d get overwhelmed, ask Schmidt to do it, and then Schmidt would get himself canceled by talking about the Romney family. It’d be such a mess and would be horrible but as Miller once said, the “whole middle part’s gonna be awesome”.
3. Tony Stark
So Elon Musk thinks that he’s Tony Stark but he’s really pre-Iron Man Tony and that means a guy who doesn’t give a sh*t about other people (and is also an arms dealer). So if post-Iron Man Tony wanted to be CEO of Twitter, it’d actually be pretty cool.
2. John Cena
John Cena is a lot like Taye Diggs in that he follows a lot of people so he’d be on the pulse of issues and he’s also Peacemaker so that’d be really cool but also he’s a busy guy. He doesn’t have time to run it. Which is why Twitter decided on the best CEO…
1. Dionne Warwick
So Dionne Warwick running Twitter would be great because she would not care whether or not someone was mad, she’d just tweet something out about how she didn’t care and go on with her day and we’d love it. It’s what we deserve after all of this with the Muskrat.
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Who do you think the new CEO should be? Let us know in the comments below!
(image: Fox)
Published: Dec 22, 2022 05:24 pm