George Santos Is Already Trying to Worm His Way Back Into Congress

I’m not saying I want to be George Stantos, but I very much would like to be as unbothered by everything as him.

Sometimes I stay up at night, worrying about an off-hand comment I said that no one noticed ten years ago, yet George Santos seems unbothered by the fact he faces up to 22 years in federal prison for the myriad of crimes he may or may not have crimed.

Case in point: This knucklehead, who, by the way, is one of the few House members ever to be expelled from the body, has announced that he is once again running for Congress. Yet here I am, worried about what someone whose name I can’t remember anymore thought about me in third grade. How is that fair?!

In case you didn’t think this could get cringier, just wait, there’s more. This all came about because Santos, as a former House member, has privileges to the House floor, which he decided to use as if his return to the Chamber that expelled him in December was some Pretty in Pink-eqsue triumphant decision to go to the dance without his date, and not a breathtaking masterclass on what a lack of shame and self-awareness will get you in America.

I don’t know about you, but my mom always told me, “Go where you’re wanted.” And my ex-workplace, where I got fired in a spectacularly public fashion by the majority of my colleagues, wouldn’t qualify as that. At least not for me.

In addition to hobnobbing like a muckety-muck with the likes of Lauren “theater fan” Boebert, and Matt “the turd” Gaetz, Santos decided to troll the world once more by announcing he was running for Congress. Again. Since he’s committed to the scammer life, he naturally made this announcement while he was at the State of the Union on exactly the social media platform you’d think:

First, of course that man would pay for whatever they’re calling the paid tier of that site now. Scammer respect scam, after all. Secondly, if you don’t want to click in to see his ridiculous announcement, here it is:

“After a lot of prayer and conversation with my friends and family, I have made a very important decision that will shake things up. Tonight, I want to announce that I will be returning to the arena of politics and challenging Nick for the battle over #NY1. I look forward to debating him on the issues and on his weak record as a Republican. The fight for our majority is imperative for the survival of the country. God bless you all, and we are off to the races!”

First, let’s acknowledge that this man’s trial most likely starts in September and the election is in November. It’s highly likely he won’t be able to watch the election night returns in the outfit, or location, of his choice. We all agree, right? This is obviously a scam. There are very few certainties in life, but of this I am sure is one of them: You could absolutely pay this man not to run. Now, I don’t know the dollar amount, but he’s in a real “sold my soul to the devil and he’s coming to collect by the end of the year” type of situation. That either means the price is very high, because he wants to yuk it up while he can, or very low, because this man is in t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

Now, other than the pesky incarceration looming over him, you may be wondering whether there’s anything barring Santos from showing up to the 2025 State of the Union where (and I am using positive thinking here) President Biden makes his first address during his second term. Well, friends, if hell freezes over and Santos somehow manages to get a not-guilty verdict from his trial, nothing. (LOL at the thought he might get reelected, though.)

See, there’s nothing barring expelled House members from returning to the floor of the Chamber. There is, however, a rule barring a member from having access to the floor if they have been convicted of a crime related to House activities. You know, the type of crimes for which Santos has been charged numerous times. Zoinks.

(featured image: Win McNamee/Getty Images, TMS)