‘Wicked”s most emotional song isn’t what you think

Everyone has their favorite song from Wicked. Most know “Defying Gravity” and they probably think they know which song is the most emotional. But my pick for the song that makes me cry isn’t the normal go to answer.

With the new movie from Jon M. Chu coming out, it is time to say my truth: “I’m Not That Girl” is more emotionally devastating than “For Good.” They are, at their core, two different emotional beats but when you think about the relatability, “I’m Not That Girl” has a longer shelf life. You only have a handful of friendships that have the staying power that “For Good” represents.

“I’m Not That Girl” is in two parts. The first part, which Elphaba sings, is all about how Fiyero will never see her as a girl he could love in the way he does Glinda. It is, unfortunately, a feeling many of us know. Seeing a crush loving someone else, knowing that you will never be good enough for them. It is, in a lot of ways, a right of passage when you’re growing up and even as an adult. But then the reprise shows the flip of it. Glinda sings her version of the song which is all about her losing that love and not being enough.

Both versions hurt. They represent women doubting themselves and putting pressure on their own feelings of self worth. While “For Good” is a song about love and acceptance in friendship, “I’m Not That Girl” hurts in a completely different way that wrecks me and makes it harder for me to move on from those feelings.

Comparing the two is what makes Wicked so fun

Elphaba is an outcast. Her green skin put her on the outs with her father, made her a mockery at school, and she took all of it in and thought she’d never be seen as the pretty one. Even in her friendship with Glinda, the two struggled at first until they opened up to one another. Still, that pain and loneliness colored her perception of herself.

So when she sings about Fiyero and Glinda together, it isn’t coming from a place of jealousy towards Glinda. But it is coming from Elphaba’s own insecurity and I just always really connected with that pain. She doesn’t feel good enough and that’s what makes “For Good” work so well. She might not have felt worth of a man like Fiyero but for Glinda, she found her person.

I do think the songs go hand in hand. Friendship is just as important (if not more so) than romantic love. But we all have our Glindas. We know who changed us for the good. But feeling not enough or alone? That is a neverending saga and it makes “I’m Not That Girl” the song I can cry to on the drop of a hate.

That’s not to say I don’t cry to “For Good.” I do (and do so often). But I just think that Cynthia Erivo’s version of “I’m Not That Girl” is going to destroy me and I cannot wait.