The One Thing That Has United the GOP and Dems in the Senate Is This Terrible Guy

In times of extreme bipartisanship in Congress, it’s hard to think of anything that would inspire Republicans and Democrats to come together other than the Swiftie uprising against Ticketmaster, because everyone hates that company. So you know that if you are somehow the catalyst for Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell agreeing on something, you done goofed.

Enter Rep. Derrick Van Orden, a first-term Republican Congressman from Wisconsin, who seems like an all-around crappy person. I base this not only on his abhorrent views on abortion and the southern border, or the fact he was at the Capitol on Jan 6th. (He denies participating in the insurrection, although maybe the DOJ wants to investigate that one, post haste?)

No, I can tell he’s not a nice person because he decided to scream at a bunch of teenage Senate pages (who are typically 16-17 years old) in the U.S. Capitol merely for taking photos. Per NPR:

On Wednesday night, Senate pages, who help assist day-to-day operations at the Capitol, were touring the Capitol as part of their last week of service, Punchbowl News first reported. To capture a photo of the ceiling, some pages positioned themselves and their camera on the floor. That’s when Van Orden walked in.

According to a transcript written by one of the pages and obtained by The Hill, Van Orden said, “Wake the f‑‑‑ up you little s‑‑‑‑” and “Get the f‑‑‑ out of here. You are defiling the space.” He reportedly also called the teenagers “jackasses” and “lazy s—-.”

OK, first and foremost, who died and made you the little lord of the Capitol building, Derrick? Last time I checked, everyone is equal in this country, ergo that building belongs to every citizen in equal measure.

Secondly, in my decades of living on this green earth, I have seen teenagers do some devastatingly stupid things. The first one that comes to mind is the time I saw a car full of them stop traffic on a busy freeway in Los Angeles, get out, and film themselves doing something obviously dangerous. A few teenagers lying down on the floor to take a nice picture of the building a lot of Van Orden’s buddies invaded two and a half years ago would not even crack the top 99 percent of dumb things they, or anyone, could do—and I say this as someone who cut her own bangs, poorly, at 16.

Generally, I’m willing to give people some grace when they have bad days, even if it involves screaming at a bunch of teenagers minding their own business. However, this jagoff refuses to apologize, doubling down on his stance of being the Right-Wing Lorax for the Capitol, speaking for the poor building that cannot stand up for itself. (Again, I need to remind you, Van Orden, by his own admission, was at the Jan 6th insurrection at the Capitol where a mob broke into the building. It’s as if he thinks we can’t Google his name or something.) Here is Van Orden’s entire statement, per The Wisconsin Examiner:

The Capitol Rotunda served as a field hospital where countless Union soldiers died fighting to free men in the Civil War … I have long said our nation’s Capitol is a symbol of the sacrifice our servicemen and women have made for this country and should never be treated like a frat house common room. Threatening a congressman with bad press to excuse poor behavior is a reminder of everything that’s wrong with Washington. Luckily, bad press has never bothered me and if it’s the price I pay to stand up for what’s right, then so be it.

I’m sorry, what kind of genteel frat house was this a-hole frequenting where people were laying down on the floor in order to take the best picture of the ceiling’s architecture!? Come on, man. Take your “L” apologize, stop yelling at people, mind your own business, and move on. It’s not that hard!

To add insult to injury, taking the photo on the floor is a years-long tradition of Senate pages:

So now we have a situation where an angry first-term Congressman needs to be put in his place, and I guess hell has frozen over because both Schumer and McConnell are having none of Van Orden’s BS. Per NPR:

“I understand that late last night a member of the House majority thought it appropriate to curse at some of these young people,” Schumer said Thursday on the Senate floor. “I was shocked when I heard about it. I am further shocked at his refusal to apologize.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., agreed with Schumer, adding “everybody on this side of the aisle feels exactly the same way.” Both Schumer and McConnell also took time to thank the Senate pages.

Don’t worry everyone, Speaker of the House and all-around tool Kevin McCarthy is here to reassure you that right is not left, up is not down, and hell hasn’t entirely frozen over, because he is refusing to condemn the outburst:

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., told reporters Friday that the incident was possibly a “misunderstanding” — adding that he planned to call Van Orden later that day. McCarthy’s team did not immediately respond to NPR’s request for an update on Saturday.

How is yelling at a bunch of teenagers minding their own business a misunderstanding?! Saying nothing is free! (Although as a reminder, it only takes one Congress member to call for McCarthy to step down from his speakership so McCarthy really needs to rely on every GOP Congressmember saying nothing to him, specifically.)

You won’t be surprised to learn that yelling at teens and being a jag is Van Orden’s thing, apparently. Per The Wisconsin Examiner:

The first-term congressman has a history of incidents involving teenagers. In 2021 staff members of the Prairie du Chien library accused him of harassing a 17-year-old library employee over a display of LGBTQ-related books. 

Van Orden, who represents western Wisconsin’s 3rd Congressional District, has also been criticized for sharing in his 2015 book that while serving as a Navy SEAL he exposed another man’s swollen genitals to two female officers. 

He has also been fined for trying to bring a gun on an airplane in his carryon luggage.

There is good news on the horizon, though: Wisconsin Dems are going after Van Orden’s seat, which was previously held by a Democrat for decades. Maybe, if we’re all lucky, the wannabe savior of the Capitol skulking around its rotunda, yelling at teenagers minding their own business, would have to wear a visitor’s pass in order to accomplish his self-assigned goals. It all depends on the good people of Wisconsin voting for a better candidate than this man.

(Featured Image: Scott Olson/Getty Images, @smudge_lord)