#WomenInMaleFields: How the satirical TikTok trend highlights the ‘universal experiences’ of women in relationships with men

A new TikTok trend has emerged over the last week, in which women on the app are redefining what it means to be a woman in male-dominated fields—and they’re not talking about the workplace.

Under the hashtag “#WomenInMaleFields” TikTok creators have shed light on the casual abuses and everyday bad behaviors of the men they’ve dated with a satirical “gotcha” of sorts. By reversing the roles of victim and perpetrator in a blunt hypothetical, the trend cleverly shines a glaring light on how women are casually gaslit and otherwise mistreated in their connections with men as if to ask, “How would you like it?”

Set to Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the trend carries an unapologetic tone that perfectly emulates the absurdity of commonplace abuses. From weaponized incompetence and backhanded compliments to “not all men” rhetoric and scare tactics, it tackles talking points across the spectrum of abuse, both emotional and physical, and it’s forced men on the app to imagine how it must feel to be on the receiving end of these behaviors.

Though not a true game of tit-for-tat, as the trend’s participants aren’t actually admitting to engaging in the behaviors they’re citing, that hasn’t stopped some men from totally missing the point. While other women understand the crux of the joke, leaving comments along the lines of, “Is this a universal experience?” or, “My ex did this,” you’ll also find comments from male users pointing out that what’s being said isn’t “very nice.” That’s kind of the point.

Many of us have been in the car with a guy who’s driven way over the speed limit because he was upset, myself included. We grew up with men who punched straight through drywall during arguments. We’ve been told to “calm down” or “stop crying” because “it’s just a joke.” We all know there’s no excuse to behave like this, but the scale and prevalence of these experiences might not seem so obvious if we weren’t talking about it—a phenomenon that many women have been quick to point out as the reason “gossiping” about our relationships has historically been discouraged.

The casual and overt abuses women endure in their relationships with men often aren’t taken seriously, so what better way to illustrate the seriousness of the harm caused than satire? (And they said media literacy was dead.) In this way, the #WomenInMaleFields trend is a roundabout reclamation of the validity of our own experiences with sexism and abuse, and it’s offered hundreds of women around the world an avenue to keep the conversation going.