Weird. “Bi-Homicidal” Is Also How I Feel After Steven Moffat’s Clarification of Dracula’s Sexuality.

Former Doctor Who and Sherlock showrunner Steven Moffat has an upcoming 2020 series based on the Bram Stoker classic vampire novel, Dracula—because after making Jekyll, Dracula is the next logical step, right? In advance of the series, and following the trailer, there has been some talk about the potential sexual relationship between the characters of Dracula (Claes Bang) and Jonathan Harker (John Heffernan). Probably wanting to avoid Johnlock 2.0, Moffat spoke up about the titular character’s sexuality.

According to BBC America, Moffat said during an interview that it would be wrong to say Bang’s Dracula as “bisexual,” instead saying, “He’s bi-homicidal, it’s not the same thing. He’s killing them, not dating them.”

Look, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but all vampires are bi/pansexual. I don’t make the rules, mind you; that’s just the straight-up facts. In Dracula, the Count does mostly prey on women, but he does “flirt” with Jonathan and makes sure the brides don’t eat him because he wants that sweet a—I mean BLOOD—for himself.

But in all seriousness, I can’t help but laugh at the way Moffat felt the need to “no homo” Dracula. Vampire stories are super homoerotic already because of the whole teeth penetration thing. It’s a metaphor for sex, and therefore, anytime Dracula is biting on someone, it is an inherently sexual act. I mean, I’m sure a high school student who took a class about sexual education could understand that.

Part of the horror of Dracula, especially in the context of when it was written, was that it did have these erotic scenes that were clearly sexual, but wrapped up in death. Anyone who has read Lucy’s final death “staking” scene can tell you that it is the Victorian erotic horror equivalent of an orgy. Pretty much everything concerning Lucy is pretty sexual.

I’m frustrated at the sort of subtextual idea that if Dracula isn’t “straight,” that makes him less of a villain. But that has a lot to do about how we have sort of retconned the actual character of Dracula to be a hottie with fangs, instead of the creepy sexual predator he was written to be. Danish actor Claes Bang talked of his version of the character in 2018 and described him as follows: “Yes he’s evil, but there’s also so much more to him: he’s charismatic, intelligent, witty and sexy.”

See, right there, that’s your first mistake. Dracula is not sexy. He’s described as having a huge mustache, large pointed ears, cold hands with hairy palms at the same time, bad breath, and when he’s less vampiric, it’s only a slight improvement. The only reason he attracts women is because he hypnotizes them with his vampire gaze. He eats babies.

Actually, you know what? It’s fine. We gays don’t need Dracula. We have Lestat, Eric Northman, and Carmilla.

(image: BBC Pictures)

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